Epiphany Tiffany

Once upon a time you needed me, But you needed drugs more. You tossed me out with the wolves While I fought them all Just to keep our love. How dare a peasant make a queen feel Like she wasn’t enough. Now you wanna move on. And act like I don’t exist. I did nothing wrong. What a cruel existence it is.  To try to hate somebody  you swore in blood that you loved. If I am really in the warmest parts of your heart, Someday you’ll have to live with  everything you’ve done.  You never measured up. I’m a pure goddess  That fell for a cowboy playing dress up.  Wining a true lover over with false love. You were level headed when we met. So I didn’t think that you’d ever  Go and fuck it all up.  Was it over for you  when you chose to relapse? Was it over for you  when you shattered my mirror That you never replaced. Just threw it against the wall  After you threw us away. Inside of your head, Because ya didn’t tell me. Why did I keep you arou...

You made me feel like a fool. It’s only been six days. My heart needs time  to get over you. And that betrayal, Is brand fucking new. Cut me some slack on the name calling. Any woman would be livid facing this truth. While you called me up,  and tried to deny it. Making me look like I'm crazy For fucking reacting to it. For being so angry. It messed with my head. It confused me. It isn't my fault. I couldn’t see further ahead. Cause we went straight outta I love you, to this. The man that I know,  Would never treat me like this.  Who you've become, Just doesn't fit. But it makes sense now, why you had to go and find less. That devil inside you. Was telling me lies. You’ve lost your damn mind. All I saw,  were my lovers'  disarming green eyes. Satan's controlling. Mastering your strings. I didn't see a warning. All I saw was the man  Whom, I believed cherished me. All I ever did wrong was Fucking love you. The life you’re living in now, I cannot save or...

Mentally done inside of your head. Your actions defeated, Empty words that you said. Speaking so eloquent, Just to tell lies. You quit us Then forgot to tell me. Cause you found another lover, That now calls the shots. Clinging to your addiction While I cling on to your ledge. Hanging for dear life, on a rope fabricated  of your dirty laundry. I should’ve ran then. I am finally running now. It took me eight months, to finally get the fuck out. Maybe someday you’ll see everything you lost. Maybe you won’t care. Either way I’m finally free, From this fucking nightmare. It was my fault,  I chose to hold on. I knew I’d get dragged. I still chose to love. The hundreds of calls And are you okay texts.  All of that agony. Screaming  At all of your demons. Praying for them  To go the fuck away. What happened  to the cowboy who loved me? It killed me to see you  lose everything. Add me to that list. Chose what you chose, Lost all the fucking light you had left....

Broken. Like bones in a grave. Before you, I was strong I was brave. I didn’t think you were anything else but safe. But your phone password said it. Then that day  I needed you, You ran away. Hid in plain sight. Like a coward you took fuckin flight. But first, Isolated me Til I had nothing left. You said you did nothing But the silence is what killed me to death. Could’ve told me you hate me Could’ve told me we’re done Even if the silence Screamed it, You didn’t tell me we’re done. I panicked alone, All by myself. The whole time you Had somebody else. But my panic tortured you, You said it yourself. How was it love. If there wasn’t an out. I died inside. I missed my old self. The happy woman I was Before she met your broken self. If I was a drug, maybe you’d notice. Maybe you’d fight for me. Maybe you’d be here. Maybe you would’ve been chosen. But you lost me forever  When you turned reality into, My biggest fucking fear. All I did, was try to be there. For a wounded soldier....

You were my sky. I was the moon. I never thought life Would take me from you. I kept trying to keep you. Hold on, get dragged. Anything was better than fucking losing you. I’d run in circles, Waiting for you. You’d tell me we’re fine. I didn’t feel alright. Crying made me cry more. The only thing that’d dry my tears was to be in your arms. What happened to smooth sailing oceans of truths. Those days your heart  fought like hell for it too. How do I let go? If I’d constantly wonder, What life would be like if I stayed with you. What if our dreams could still somehow come true? Hope does more harm Than walking away could ever do. I found myself not making plans. Because you’d just show up, Out of the blue. I didn’t wanna miss you. Til I’d get pissed  and make plans to force myself to stay away from you. When deep down. I just wanted to be with you. Fucked up things.  I became a witness to. But you taught me how to live Without you. Ignoring my calls. Silencing yourself, Lik...

Maybe I cared too much. And tried too hard. I gave you my best, But it wasn’t enough. Maybe I didn’t pass your stupid test. The one where you moved me  into your house, Just for me to find out you fucking relapsed. I moved the fuck out. I should’ve let you remain astray. But my heart wouldn’t let me. I should’ve ran for the hills But I don’t quit easily. I wish you would’ve told me you hated me. Because it went on and on Never ending. And it kept getting worse. It felt like you just kept me around To fucking torture. Toying with my heart As if it’s yours. Who does shit like that to some body they love? Punishing me for being worried and upset. Making me apologize for being so fucking scared to death. I cannot believe you made me believe  You were unlike the rest.  Out of all of my lovers, You hurt me the best! You made me believe You loved me so fucking much. Then ghosted me like a spineless piece of fucking shit. I deserve so much more than all of this. Everything I did ...

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory. -Unknown I’m cursing fucks. You’re giving up. Darling, What could be better Than true beautiful love. You gave me no choice But to move on from. I didn’t want to. For life. I would’ve chose you. But baby, Look at what you made me fucking do. Look at the truth. When shit got heavy I couldn’t witness you. Numbing yourself. While I faced the realness. I walked down the iciest halls And met all of your demons. I still loved you. I still remembered, You for you. Not whom ever this brokenness turned you into. Not the man who Called me names. And told me horrible things In a home we named Our place. That shit still aches. Real tears, rained down my face. He broke my heart. My love for you Patiently awaited in the ramparts. Praying you’d wake up. And see. Not leave me Stranded emotionally. Not left, Abandoning dreams. Or holding the painting. Of th...

Reminiscing a life we had in our hands. Ten months ago. We unpacked boxes because of our plans. Somethings, I’ll just never understand. I knew you had struggles. Hell, we all had a past. What kills me the most is, I can’t do a damn thing to fix any of this. I wish I could’ve.  I would’ve done anything for your happiness. I would’ve done anything  to put a smile on your face. I never saw warning signs  or foul play. I just loved you, And all of your baggage anyway. But I wish you could see what it did to me. I wish you could’ve felt everything I was feeling. If you came to light, I’d probably fall into your arms nonstop crying. Weeping all the hurt I’ve been harboring. Maybe then. You’d be cognizant of why. Instead another day passes we don’t say goodnight. How long will I feel defeated by this backslide? Because I meant it when I said, I’d fucking love you for life. I guess I didn’t think You’d become plagued. Even if my love ran through sickness and strength, I guess I n...

When is enough enough? I ask myself daily. How much do I take, Before I lose my fuckin sanity. When loving you blindly, Didn’t take long  to sink deep  in to reality. I can’t drown. I’ve got to throw the life ring And get the fuck out. But my heart Won’t let you fucking be. Deep down, It's cause I know you Really do fucking love me. Clearly, it doesn’t matter how much you love anything. Words are from the lips. Actions come from the heart. When will enough be enough, For me to t ake the steps  towards a  new start? Cause it’s fucking  breaking my heart. Waiting for updates Tears me apart. Every minute, Time passes  Not hearing a word. Makes me think Terrible things Have happened to you. How am I supposed To pretend, I don’t know the truth. How am I supposed to just fucking be with you? Cause it will always hurt me more, Than it ever hurts you. God tell me, What the fuck I’m supposed to do. I don’t like this version of you. But I can’t fucking deny The love ...

The extreme highs, And bottomless lows, Of the day to day imprints, loving you invests.  Was such an up and down  Fucked up chain of events.  I kept bathing in them. Hoping that you'd go back to The man I fell in love with. Happy, not sad. Two people in love Together in bed. No sleepless nights Praying for him. Or not knowing  where the fuck that he is. The is he alive or deads? And all the traumatic flights that took off inside my head. Then he’d show up And I’d hug him. I couldn’t  help it,  I fucking loved him. But when did loving someone Unconditionally,  begin conditioning me? Not to care when I haven’t  seen him for two fucking weeks. Not to wonder who he’s talking to when he isn’t talking to me. How can a functioning mind Not think of these fucking things? He had no response  whenever it came to my feelings. How could you say you love somebody Taking these hits  outta the ring? Cause I would've loved you Til I took my last breath....

Tears fall, Like December rain. I wish I didn’t have to face Christmas, Crying over heartbreak. You tried to convince yourself That you were okay. But you could’ve fooled me, And just fucking let me go on Halloween. You were my go-to Tell me. Who could I run to? It wasn’t my plan To be all alone in our new home. How does it feel though? Numbing yourself, While I feel all the pain? While you blamed me, for everything. How dare you. After all the plans That we made. How could you forget, A love so loud? Is this really who You’re gonna be now? God, I had no choice. But to be strong. You let your demons Fucking string us along. I can’t be dragged I have to let go. I love you so much I can’t witness this version of you. If only you saw, Who I see. And what’s going on while you mask everything. Just keep on pretending. While I keep on hoping. For the day We see the same things. Until then, Let go and let god. They say, You’ve got to love them enough To move on. Maybe one day, The tears won’t...

Phone buzzed  on silent. You stopped picking up. I still tried. I thought it was love. Disappointment. Casted down upon my face. I missed our laughs I missed our dates. Friends asked. Why I stayed. They couldn’t see the unseen hole through me. And I still hoped, Reality would change. Back to the life, We anticipated happening. Instead, I watched each dream Collapse fatally.  That f elt like a beating heart Without a pulse. Time didn't stop. All I did was blame myself. For the things you said I did wrong. I’d apologize. Cause I never knew What you fucking wanted. When we should’ve taken the kids to Motocross. Or went on that trip To the fucking Bahamas. Instead, I found myself kneeling At the cross. Praying heavily, You’d wake up. and see everything you lost. I still went back and forth. Loving the man in front of me. Praying for the man I once knew. Asking myself Constantly, Who the fuck are you? While you drifted further Away from the truth. New variants, Blurred favorable na...