Letting Go.
"When you let go, you create space for better things to enter your life" -Unknown
Because I feel that in life we have seasons. Like all seasons, they change. Of course we all want our season to be settled down inside of a cozy cabin of love, friendships and happiness. But sometimes, a season will throw a few thunder balls at us. Then we catch and hold on to that thunder ball for years, when we should’ve just let it go with the season change with the sun shining down on us. We’ve all been there. The technical word for the lingering hurt and pain we hold on to after that terrible season changed is called resentment. But resentment has no purpose but to keep you carrying the weight of the burdens that have already flown away from you. So why do we hold on to them?
The answer is simple. It’s simply because it’s harder to admit to ourselves that we are better, than to let go of where we were. That we have grown. That we are bigger than what happened to us. In a toxic way, it’s comfort. The lingering side effects of trauma, hurt, and pain are only there when you need them to be, so you can have an excuse when you have a difficult day. It’s just a crutch. Something to make your shitty ass day not so shitty. Because after all that hurt and pain you removed yourself from, how on earth could you ever face another traumatic moment ever again? I mean is life that unfair? The truth is... it is. But when we have something to fall back on to, aka our past traumas, we don’t feel so bad bitching and moaning about them because they're familiar. We healed from that pain, so we can’t fathom to handle anymore new pain. Or in other scenarios. I’ve seen resentment continue without ANY action or step taken to remove yourself from the season. So you keep seasoning yourself in the same shitty ass seasoning. Like dare to try to find a new one? Are you that comfortable living in the bullshit of continual resentment that you just stay there unhappily, without any hope for a change? But it’s not uncommon.
Comfort is comforting. I say this ALL the time. Trust me, I’m one for knowing what to expect by wanting to have it all figured out and streamlined. It’s the Taurus in me. But the second I chose to let go of my burdens from the trauma that haunted me, I felt the resentment slowly start to fade off of me. Who are we to carry the past two years of bullshit that happened to us with us once we decide to heal anyway? It would be like keeping your birthday cake all year long. Although you should’ve thrown it out the day after your birthday, you kept it there to keep reminding yourself that you are thirty-four. Not thirty-three. Not twenty-three. That damn cake keeps reminding you how old you are, and every time you face a difficulty you eat a damn piece of it to find yourself reliving the same shitty ass birthday over and over again. When you could’ve easily went and got a newer different tastier cake that didn’t say happy fucking birthday to begin with. Catch my point here?
I’m all for reminiscing, and remembering moments that made you who you are. I’m not in any way saying to forget the bad like it never happened. I believe pain creates healing. It teaches us how to love ourselves, especially when nobody else does. It helps define our lifeline into someone more than just a broken heart. Because that broken heart, or failed marriage only brought us here. Right here is better because we overcame, but mostly, we survived. I’ll be cheesy for a second. The quote “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” has mass significance for a reason. Letting go, not forgetting, can help you finally throw away the pain so you can start feeling the gains.
The gains you never could have fathomed could happen when you were isolated in your trauma. Or even worse when you worked your ass off to get past it, but still held on to the anger and resentment that came out when something or someone triggered it. Shit we have loads of insecurities that can be triggered within us. The issue is, we blame others for our very own. Instead of letting go, we carry our baggage with us and find ourselves being picked back up and taken right back down to the dump because of the lingering odor we just had to hold on too. Look I get it, we are all broken people with hurt, pain, trauma and abandonment triggers. I mean the list can go on and on. But what happened to being whole? Because we were born wholesome right? Our scars don’t define who we are, they shape us into someone better than who we were born to be, not vice versa. What happened to us, doesn’t define us. You know what truly does? Who we are to others and how we treat and care for them, shows just that. If we could make that effort verses holding on and allowing resentment to define our choices and dictate our moments, we would all be less stressed, hurt, mean, and nasty humans. Because at the end of the day, we are humans that are all looking for the same things anyway. We all have a story. We all have something that happened to us. But what happens to us isn’t our character. Unless you are plotting your own vicious turmoil’s to hurt and attack people with rudeness to make them feel less of a human, your character is your value. It’s the moments that you made someone’s day. Or the smile that made someone else feel happy. Even if it was for a split second. It’s the differences you make in another’s life for the good that shows who you are. That's what makes you. So let go. Let go of whatever is holding you back. Chances are it's just the lingering resentment of past trauma keeping you from fulfilling your destiny. But you will never fully move forward holding on to an ounce of that. Trust me, I've held on to things much longer than I should have. My own insecurities only held me back from what I wanted for my future. Not now. Because I realized that I was carrying my burdens around and saving them for battles that were only wars I fought within myself. Causing me more pain and hurt that was unnecessary on my path towards growth. Pride, being right, and knowing it all, well at the end of the day those things didn't matter when it came time to figuring out what I want. Because seeing others happy, that's my lifeline. Sometimes, our happiness is seeing and knowing that you created just that.
The gains you never could have fathomed could happen when you were isolated in your trauma. Or even worse when you worked your ass off to get past it, but still held on to the anger and resentment that came out when something or someone triggered it. Shit we have loads of insecurities that can be triggered within us. The issue is, we blame others for our very own. Instead of letting go, we carry our baggage with us and find ourselves being picked back up and taken right back down to the dump because of the lingering odor we just had to hold on too. Look I get it, we are all broken people with hurt, pain, trauma and abandonment triggers. I mean the list can go on and on. But what happened to being whole? Because we were born wholesome right? Our scars don’t define who we are, they shape us into someone better than who we were born to be, not vice versa. What happened to us, doesn’t define us. You know what truly does? Who we are to others and how we treat and care for them, shows just that. If we could make that effort verses holding on and allowing resentment to define our choices and dictate our moments, we would all be less stressed, hurt, mean, and nasty humans. Because at the end of the day, we are humans that are all looking for the same things anyway. We all have a story. We all have something that happened to us. But what happens to us isn’t our character. Unless you are plotting your own vicious turmoil’s to hurt and attack people with rudeness to make them feel less of a human, your character is your value. It’s the moments that you made someone’s day. Or the smile that made someone else feel happy. Even if it was for a split second. It’s the differences you make in another’s life for the good that shows who you are. That's what makes you. So let go. Let go of whatever is holding you back. Chances are it's just the lingering resentment of past trauma keeping you from fulfilling your destiny. But you will never fully move forward holding on to an ounce of that. Trust me, I've held on to things much longer than I should have. My own insecurities only held me back from what I wanted for my future. Not now. Because I realized that I was carrying my burdens around and saving them for battles that were only wars I fought within myself. Causing me more pain and hurt that was unnecessary on my path towards growth. Pride, being right, and knowing it all, well at the end of the day those things didn't matter when it came time to figuring out what I want. Because seeing others happy, that's my lifeline. Sometimes, our happiness is seeing and knowing that you created just that.
Because life will keep happening. Earth will keep spinning and the traumas will keep continuing. But you won’t. Life is precious. So make every moment count and stop living with the same burdens. Because they only made you unafraid because you faced them. Finally hooping that three pointer! But tripping up a few times before that doesn't make you a failure. Because there will always be more hoops to hoop through, it's called life. But imagine if you never stumbled. Or if life never happened, and you just had everything handed to you. You’d probably be a shitbag because you wouldn’t have learned how to face difficulty. When that difficulty does hit, you have no damn clue which way is up nor down, living in that trauma forever by succumbing into those faults. Attempting three pointers from the nosebleeds. That's no way to play ball or life for that matter. Think of life the same way. After all, it is a form of play or sport, especially a competitive one played according to rules and decided by skill, strength, or luck. I'd say.
Just think or tell yourself that you can and will overcome the chaos and all that comes with it by simply letting it go. Which in turn, allows yourself to be open for whatever’s next, even if it’s another heartache. You never truly live without trying. Besides, they say if you face your biggest fears, you will no longer be afraid for a reason.
Written by: Epiphany Tiffany