The Love of My Past Life

You embarked upon 

a whole new galaxy.
Such a distance,
Far past humanity. 

Everyone you left behind 

Couldn’t reach.

So when I think of you,
I remember everything.
When thoughts drone over,
I sadly smile and let them be.

You feel so far away from me.
As if our love suddenly
blasted off to outer space.
One minute it was here,
The next it evaporated further away.
Sadness excelled at a very fast pace.

Until I was the only one left,
Feeling anything.

Despite the brutal reality.
The only thing I have left from you
Is that sapphire ring.

And me…
I may have made it out alive.
But you took my forever,
And forked it with a knife.
My heart still beating.
My blood still blue.
The oxygen hadn’t touched it.
I still thought you were you.

And you still had me.
Emulating my love.
Unaware that I was up,

Against a substance, 

for yours.
Not knowing a drug, 
Would end up winning this run.

Laughing through the ribbon.
While I laid lifelessly stomped upon.
I didn’t sign up for this harrowing marathon.

But I’ll never forget,

The day I found out the truth.
And you causally put fucking Breaking Bad on.

I still tried protecting you.
Turns out,
I was trying to protect,
You from you!
I never realized,
Your presence was imperiled.

You slowly stopped trying.

You stopped asking for help.
I should’ve realized,
You never needed my assistance.
Once you reinstated your addiction,
You were never going to quit it.

Sadly, you knew this.

I didn’t. 

I held on to hope.

You should’ve just let me go.

But you didn’t. 

The good man inside,

Knew that he couldn’t.

Whoever you are now,

Really fucking put me through it.

So, I cannot be a witness. 

I can’t watch someone I love,

Demolish their existence. 

It’s so hard to believe,

The brave soldier I knew,

Succumbed to a sickness. 

Cause he’s so far away.

And so outta sight. 

For someone I once called,

The love of my life.

I cannot hate you.

Upset as I was,

I should’ve expected,

That behavior out of you.

I loved you without condition.

I should’ve listened.

Hell, 

I still choose forgiveness.

Even if because of you,

Our love went out of business.

My heart,

It will somehow get through this.

You.

I cannot dictate whether or not,

You’ll arise from the abyss. 

Cause those drugs viciously ran through,
My broken lovers veins.
While I ran through cities,

Screaming his name.
A man I loved dearly.

Fled the fucking scene.

Forcing me to command a manhunt.

To end up being,

The man who no longer needed me.

Turns out you can’t rescue,

Those who don’t want to be saved.

But that kinda shit,

Would make any loving heart,

Go fucking insane. 

Especially in the end,

When it was me that you blamed.

All for standing,

In your hedonistic way. 

Til I became wounded.

Til I became sad.

Til I became addicted 

to the addict.

Til our story became a tragedy.

That’s when it was over for me. 

Being forced to let go,

Finally set me free.

Still sad, but thankful,

I’m finally at peace. 

So whenever I stop to think.

I’ll go back to a time.

Recalling real moments,

Our love intertwined. 

Like the time I held you,

All night while you cried. 

Or took you for your 40th

To see the statue of your buddy Pat Tillman. 

Our love was as real,

As real love could fucking get.

Sadly short lived.

But just cause it’s over.

Doesn’t mean that it didn’t exist. 

I can now orbit,

those magical moments.

In my sacred divine.

To you, 

Wherever you are, 

I softly whisper goodbye.

To the man who got casted,

The love of my past life. 

Written by Epiphany Tiffany.