The Perfect Man
What is it about finding the perfect man? Is he really out there or is this some fucked up hoax fairy tale we are made up to believe in? The prince charming, the happily ever after. Let’s be real ladies. Even when he tells you straight to your face he doesn't want a relationship, we still somehow believe there is hope for one with him. Gosh are we that fanciful that we don't see the sign staring directly at us to RUN! We all want to believe in something real and true, I get it. But in today's dating pool, you are lucky if you wind up 1 for 3. The real stats are something more like .25 out of 100 in the decency puddle. Either he’s super cute and meets everything you want in a dude, but totally mentally unavailable. Or he's amazing in bed, but super crazy. So take your pick of "perfect" babe.
The problem is we fall in love with his potential. Not his actual merit. For fucks sake, I fall in love with the idea of never having to date anyone else ever again. That’s why I might have overlooked a few red flags in the past. With that grand finale feeling just to be able to delete those dating profiles. But by no means am I going to mistake his "perfectness" and totally oversee that false persona he might be hiding underneath that beautiful smile, and assume it’s time to throw all of my other potentials out, I’m smarter now. The idea is, we want nothing more than to hit that delete button of all those losers that create the meaningless red notifications that pile up on our precious IPhone 12s. When we should be looking for our perfect "for us" man. Not the perfect man. That’s the issue. We all fancy something, start there. I dig a strong tall decent human man. Like you don’t have to be superman, just be normal. Don’t fill my head up with nonsense just to get what you want. I’m not about hidden agendas. And I don’t want him to be either. Like dude just be real. I swear, maybe that’s my idea of a perfect man because of all the lies I’ve been told in the past. We all carry a little bit of relationship PTSD. But that should never hinder you from seeking what you want.
Shit why can't the perfect man be like a blow up man. That way there is no bullshit to be dealt with. He can’t lie, only cheat if you let your best friend borrow him. And definitely can’t argue with you when you want to spend time with your girlfriends. Plus he has a perfectly nice dick that can’t get you pregnant. What's so wrong with that? But seriously, is it truly that bad to think there is a perfect man out there? Is it truly that bad dating in today’s world? The answer is..... YES. Terrible. But we keep on keeping on because we heard that Becky and Ron met on Tinder. They are married and have five beautiful children now. That’s the problem. We are all hoping instead of scoping. We need to find out the real truth of the person we are seeking into our lives via online before we make any assumptions, and let our gut direct our emotions. Not our hearts.
But we all fall victim to living sleazy and single. And it's easier to go online especially in today’s world with Covid and all. Which we really shouldn’t be sleazing around, but you have not much else to look forward too, other than death. Or being tortured with silence or um, Netflix background noise in your own shitty apartment by yourself. So yea why not? "Because during Covid everyone has a dating profile." "During Covid, everyone’s online dating." Says Karen, literally, twice. Disregarding the real facts, like everyone else mindlessly getting married, divorcing, or dying. So what’s there to lose right? Maybe you'll find your perfect man online while you are still alive. But to be perfectly honest, the perfect man that we have built up inside our minds doesn’t exist. We all have this idea of him so we swipe left on every single one because he isn’t catching our mental images eye. And when we do swipe right liking him back, it’s even worse. Because although he might capture your initial attraction, there’s a whole load to be dumped off at your front door step... so be prepared for it.
We aren’t going to find perfect. Sure we might find everything but that. Like some fun, a few free dinners at the outside patio down the street. An In-N-Out car date that ends up leading to mindless sex because, well you are in a car alone and one kiss inside this enclosed sex trap with a hot stranger can lead to just that. Plus, in today’s world we’re all expecting the worse right? So fuck it what’s there to lose? Our sanity for sure. And respect is thrown out that car window with the In-N-Out garbage. Because you know damn well there are no left overs to take home to your mom. Gosh what happened to those days when a man picks up the phone and calls you just because he was thinking of you? Or the hand written notes? Am I totally non-millennial to admire that? My perfect man wouldn’t leave me guessing. I’ll know just by the way he devours me with his eyes, not his In-N-Out.
But this is hard coming from a woman that puts other people’s happiness before her very own. It’s the mom inside me. But lots of therapy has taught me to think of what I want and what I need in my life to be content. The truth is, I’m content with what’s given. My friends keep me insanely happy. My kids and family are who I live for. My work family, they keep me busy and feeling important. Just being able to be there for all the people in my life makes me sleep great at night. Sure I can be a total swamp donkey and be selfish. Chase meaningless sex with strangers, and never feel anything. But where’s the value in that? Maybe I am crazy in a crazy world. To believe that there is someone that gets me like I get me. That is just as fucking logic, just as cute (not narcissistically speaking). Just as funny, that likes to laugh. Maybe they don’t love the Dallas Cowboys but he’s got to like sports. And weird space stuff. Mythical gods and creatures, but believes in more. He likes to read, is smart and sweet. Maybe he can’t cook like me, but likes to eat. Someone my kind of weird. My kind of rating. Cause if I had to rate myself like a movie, I would be rated- R. Mostly for language. I’m not always graceful, I am when I need to be, but he won’t mind that. They say we are what we attract, so I’m hoping for him to be on my side of the spectrum of life. But most important, my perfect man will love me just as much as I love me. Because I’ve learned toxic attracts toxic. We're all fucked up in our own ways, but to drag someone through some fucked up shit in a relationship, well the phrase "it takes two to tango" light bulbs right about now doesn’t it?
And I definitely do think it’s literally in our DNA to gravitate towards the ones who don’t want us. Deciphering every detail to believe somehow they do. BUT THEY DON'T. I swear the more guys I meet the more desensitized I am because of this. We all want what we can’t have, it’s our human instinct to convert the dissuaded. But communication is key. If you are scared to ask something just because of the response you think you're going to get, then you should definitely speak how you feel by asking that question. The answer will prevent itself very clearly. Or you might get ghosted, that’s a thing too. And an even more of a reason to be thankful. Don’t be sad or emotional over someone douchey leaving your amazing life. You are your own mythical creature killing it and don’t deserve someone shitty anyways. Hints why they chose the word GLAD for a trash bag company name. Makes sense to me. Unfortunately, we do have to decipher the good from the bad in our lives. And sometimes, they do it for us, by volunteering to remove themselves out of our equation. But sometimes a totally decent fucking human can decide that they just aren’t that interested in you. That doesn’t make them a shitbag just because they don’t find you to be their "perfect" type. That is okay too. Let what is be is. That’s my motto.
The problem is we fall in love with his potential. Not his actual merit. For fucks sake, I fall in love with the idea of never having to date anyone else ever again. That’s why I might have overlooked a few red flags in the past. With that grand finale feeling just to be able to delete those dating profiles. But by no means am I going to mistake his "perfectness" and totally oversee that false persona he might be hiding underneath that beautiful smile, and assume it’s time to throw all of my other potentials out, I’m smarter now. The idea is, we want nothing more than to hit that delete button of all those losers that create the meaningless red notifications that pile up on our precious IPhone 12s. When we should be looking for our perfect "for us" man. Not the perfect man. That’s the issue. We all fancy something, start there. I dig a strong tall decent human man. Like you don’t have to be superman, just be normal. Don’t fill my head up with nonsense just to get what you want. I’m not about hidden agendas. And I don’t want him to be either. Like dude just be real. I swear, maybe that’s my idea of a perfect man because of all the lies I’ve been told in the past. We all carry a little bit of relationship PTSD. But that should never hinder you from seeking what you want.
Shit why can't the perfect man be like a blow up man. That way there is no bullshit to be dealt with. He can’t lie, only cheat if you let your best friend borrow him. And definitely can’t argue with you when you want to spend time with your girlfriends. Plus he has a perfectly nice dick that can’t get you pregnant. What's so wrong with that? But seriously, is it truly that bad to think there is a perfect man out there? Is it truly that bad dating in today’s world? The answer is..... YES. Terrible. But we keep on keeping on because we heard that Becky and Ron met on Tinder. They are married and have five beautiful children now. That’s the problem. We are all hoping instead of scoping. We need to find out the real truth of the person we are seeking into our lives via online before we make any assumptions, and let our gut direct our emotions. Not our hearts.
But we all fall victim to living sleazy and single. And it's easier to go online especially in today’s world with Covid and all. Which we really shouldn’t be sleazing around, but you have not much else to look forward too, other than death. Or being tortured with silence or um, Netflix background noise in your own shitty apartment by yourself. So yea why not? "Because during Covid everyone has a dating profile." "During Covid, everyone’s online dating." Says Karen, literally, twice. Disregarding the real facts, like everyone else mindlessly getting married, divorcing, or dying. So what’s there to lose right? Maybe you'll find your perfect man online while you are still alive. But to be perfectly honest, the perfect man that we have built up inside our minds doesn’t exist. We all have this idea of him so we swipe left on every single one because he isn’t catching our mental images eye. And when we do swipe right liking him back, it’s even worse. Because although he might capture your initial attraction, there’s a whole load to be dumped off at your front door step... so be prepared for it.
We aren’t going to find perfect. Sure we might find everything but that. Like some fun, a few free dinners at the outside patio down the street. An In-N-Out car date that ends up leading to mindless sex because, well you are in a car alone and one kiss inside this enclosed sex trap with a hot stranger can lead to just that. Plus, in today’s world we’re all expecting the worse right? So fuck it what’s there to lose? Our sanity for sure. And respect is thrown out that car window with the In-N-Out garbage. Because you know damn well there are no left overs to take home to your mom. Gosh what happened to those days when a man picks up the phone and calls you just because he was thinking of you? Or the hand written notes? Am I totally non-millennial to admire that? My perfect man wouldn’t leave me guessing. I’ll know just by the way he devours me with his eyes, not his In-N-Out.
But this is hard coming from a woman that puts other people’s happiness before her very own. It’s the mom inside me. But lots of therapy has taught me to think of what I want and what I need in my life to be content. The truth is, I’m content with what’s given. My friends keep me insanely happy. My kids and family are who I live for. My work family, they keep me busy and feeling important. Just being able to be there for all the people in my life makes me sleep great at night. Sure I can be a total swamp donkey and be selfish. Chase meaningless sex with strangers, and never feel anything. But where’s the value in that? Maybe I am crazy in a crazy world. To believe that there is someone that gets me like I get me. That is just as fucking logic, just as cute (not narcissistically speaking). Just as funny, that likes to laugh. Maybe they don’t love the Dallas Cowboys but he’s got to like sports. And weird space stuff. Mythical gods and creatures, but believes in more. He likes to read, is smart and sweet. Maybe he can’t cook like me, but likes to eat. Someone my kind of weird. My kind of rating. Cause if I had to rate myself like a movie, I would be rated- R. Mostly for language. I’m not always graceful, I am when I need to be, but he won’t mind that. They say we are what we attract, so I’m hoping for him to be on my side of the spectrum of life. But most important, my perfect man will love me just as much as I love me. Because I’ve learned toxic attracts toxic. We're all fucked up in our own ways, but to drag someone through some fucked up shit in a relationship, well the phrase "it takes two to tango" light bulbs right about now doesn’t it?
And I definitely do think it’s literally in our DNA to gravitate towards the ones who don’t want us. Deciphering every detail to believe somehow they do. BUT THEY DON'T. I swear the more guys I meet the more desensitized I am because of this. We all want what we can’t have, it’s our human instinct to convert the dissuaded. But communication is key. If you are scared to ask something just because of the response you think you're going to get, then you should definitely speak how you feel by asking that question. The answer will prevent itself very clearly. Or you might get ghosted, that’s a thing too. And an even more of a reason to be thankful. Don’t be sad or emotional over someone douchey leaving your amazing life. You are your own mythical creature killing it and don’t deserve someone shitty anyways. Hints why they chose the word GLAD for a trash bag company name. Makes sense to me. Unfortunately, we do have to decipher the good from the bad in our lives. And sometimes, they do it for us, by volunteering to remove themselves out of our equation. But sometimes a totally decent fucking human can decide that they just aren’t that interested in you. That doesn’t make them a shitbag just because they don’t find you to be their "perfect" type. That is okay too. Let what is be is. That’s my motto.
The truth is, life is not defined by who we are talking to at the moment. It’s bigger than that. In the end words are just words. We all fall into a stream of them from our day to day blabbers. But how we feel, how you make others feel, that's what's meaningful. So for fucks sake, stop holding on to the idea, the hope, "the life’s plan.” Because you know what? There are no set rules or plans. There are no happily ever after’s waiting to carry you off on some mythical unicorn’s ass wagon. Just when things are dandy, they can turn distressed at any given moment. The truth sucks don’t it? But the possibilities are endless. You just need to know what the fuck you want, and go get it. No one is stopping you but you. I’m not saying it’s going to be a walk in the park either, we don’t win ‘em all. Remember that. Trust me, I know this. I’m a Cowboys fan. But I don’t give up on my team when they lose. I still root for them because like myself, I know one day we will both win. They'll win their division, possibly making it to the Super Bowl, that I pray I’ll live to see. And I'll be watching it with my own kind of perfectly imperfect man. The one I want to want to be with. The man I choose that also chooses me back. It’s literally just as simple as finding that.
Written by: Tiffany Bales