Every Now and Then - poem

-

Every now and then,
In my mind you ask me 

how I’ve been.
I tell you that I’m fine 

hoping you don’t notice 

my vague lack of genuine. 
But of course you did.
Because that’s who you are.
You could always see 

what’s really going on 

inside of my heart.


So where do I start?
When people ask me about my day,
I wanna tell them 

it’s been a few hard years. 
Instead, 

I smile and tell them okay,

But deep in the seams 

I’m unraveling away. 

Every now and then,
It really is okay.
Then I compile all that I’ve been through 

and find me lacking sensible faith.
I guess it’s easier to blame myself 

than carry resentment that would eat me away.

I couldn’t blame you.
I just accepted the truth, 

broke into pieces 

and wept through endless bottles of Chardonnay. 

Every now and then,
I even question my own mistakes.
I guess I thought if I did something different 

maybe the past I could’ve escaped. 
But I’m also a fixer 

so, it bothers me that I couldn’t heal all the damage 

that lingered in both of our ways. 
Maybe that’s why 

sometimes I feel so untamed. 
As you left things between us 

unfinished, 

I sat with the shame. 

Every now and then,
I wonder how I found the strength 

to keep myself so put together.
When my life stopped,
Everything else 

just kept moving forward. 
Truth is, I’m not a saint.
I had no choice but to petal through.
So every now and then
I wonder 

if anything you ever said to me was really true. 
Turns out 

it was purely the hope of it all 

that beat my heart black and blue.

So every now and then,
I do think about you.
Then tell those thoughts to fuck off 

because look what they do. 


Written by Epiphany Tiffany 

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