Unsolved Heartache.
Unsolved heartache: noun. a broken heart left with more questions than answers.
You fall head over heels in love. Believing with your entire heart that love will be more than enough. Come to find out somewhere amongst the fairy tale bliss inside of your heart, that there was a hidden heartbreak lying underneath the glory of your planned outcome. Kinda like life. We live, we die. We don't have all the answers as to what and why. We just plan to live it accordingly. Happiness is what we all strive for, in love and in life. But at what point does resolution revolve around our happiness? At what point does having an answer draw out our inner peace of mind? And how can we find peace and resolution without answers? Is knowing the key to true happiness? Or can we have peace of mind living with an unsolved mystery? That in my case would call an unsolved heartache.
Because at the end of anything we all want to know why. Why helps us vanish future outcomes. Which in return clears the mental puzzle slate of questions holding us back. It guides us towards a finish line. That only repels us from racing the same race over and over again. Let alone left on an island somewhere North when we should be headed South. If only we had a map on that journey into the unknown. Or maybe knowing you'd be left on some island would have forbidden you to go there in the first place. But unlike the known fact that we cannot predict the future, it sure makes what could've been a hell of a lot better when you know why it wasn't. Because an ending should never lead us towards an open path of unsolved circumstances. But in 99.9% percent of times, it does. Because how many of us can actually say:
"my ex told me straight to my face he didn't love me anymore, and was going to leave because he met someone else that he envisions himself marrying.”
And actually does after telling you just two months prior that he was never going to get married ever again! All that does is create a bigger puzzle of confusion as to what the fuck is wrong with us. I mean vaguely maybe you got a little tiny piece of that puzzle. But had to sadly figure out the rest thanks to social media. Because I doubt in the moment it ended you received a vivid explanation of answers from A to Z. That is rare. And if more people were like that, in life, death, crime stories, and all aspects of living, maybe we wouldn't have these cold cases left sitting collecting dust. Or, a heart left pondering in its agony. We would have peace of mind knowing the meritable facts. Meritable, not Marital. If that's what you were thinking. I'm speaking VALUE. That's what life is about. Respect, love, tradition, friendships, it all ponders in the same puddle. And why is only the justification that merits them. I love my friends because they bring me exciting stories and make me feel that I am not alone when I need them. They bring laughter and merit into my life by making me feel understood and unjudged. That all leads to my happiness as an individual. If they all of a sudden were gone without reasoning, I would be frozen in time trying to figure out what I did to make them go. Or what made them go right? Only trying to replace the void with another friendship. But that void will always be there when left unresolved or resolved. Because of its merit.
Those cold cases, with no answers or proof of what happened only leads the broken hearted to keep questioning time and time again. Where is the peace of mind when you have to create it yourself? When you only have A, B and C given, but left with the rest of the whole damn alphabet to figure out. That can drive any normal human being off a cliff of never ending questions. WHY? It's that fucking simple. "Because you aren't who I want to be with." Or maybe, "Because I'm not the person you think I am." Or maybe, something simpler. "Because I'm getting back with my ex." Sure would've solved this case shut. But that's just it. Unresolved hurt always leads to resentment. And resentment leads to a frozen timestamp in the past. Not allowing your hurt to be laid to rest. It sits there wondering what if. Or how come? Or that god awful undetermined but WHY? Leaving those unbound questions to live on inside of our minds until they are answered. But does knowing the answer resolve the problem. Nope. Problems always exist, the answers only justify them. So if you think of it that way, its more of a vicious circle of confusion. That's just a part of life itself. Because what hurts less? A lie straight to the face in a moment of life changing events? Or the truth smacking you head on without any warning?
Because our hearts still get broken. And the only thing helping us cope is hope. Hope that someday it will work out. When the logical answer to this sad equation is it won't. We all leave relationships with uncertainty. But to create doomed hope, well that's just an asshole move. And the reality of this situation well, its humongous. We don't know whats to come. That alone is fearful. So when something happens to us, or even our loved ones, knowing why it happened, or how it happened helps us better understand so we can lay all of those whys to rest. Jump starting our healing. Knowing creates an understanding that helps us move on. Does it change the true merit here? No. Knowing the truth doesn't change the actuality of the situation. All it does is comfort us. And in the mist of heartbreak, that's all we want. We just want to feel we mattered at one point in time. Because what's the point of anything in life if what we did never mattered. Wheres the hope for the future in that?
Knowing why is more than just receiving confirmation that it existed. It's the merit that comes with it. The meaning. That's what life is truly about. We love, just to add value inside of our lives. So when its gone with no reasoning, we’re forced to rebuild a house on a damaged lot. With no blue prints of wrongs or perfect corners to dictate where every inch of floor is now supposed to go. This unresolved manner is everywhere. It's broken down into bits of rubbish that not even the builder himself can recreate. But somehow rebuilding this broken home is the only true merit you now have left with this moment. Will it ever be the same? No. Will you ever know why it burnt down? Not really. Because the pieces of brokenness are still there. Whether or not you know why they are there doesn't make them go away. Knowing why is like having an extra helping hand when it comes time to pick up the mess. But regardless of this, YOU ARE THE MESS. YOU are the hurt. YOU are the broken pieces that you got to pick up knowing why or not. Because realistically, we will never really know all the answers. But take silence as peace. Sometimes it's being still that will guide you the right way. Having signs on streets always help you know which way to go. But following the path that the universe has for you always sends you some type of validation. It could be months, years, days, and sometimes, never. But in the moment you realize why, you're already standing inside of a stronger house you built with your own broken pieces. That you won’t ever let the big bad wolf once more blow down. Because you found something better than answers to your unsolved heartache. You found you. Because the true merit inside of the heartache itself was you. You are the merit. You are the strength that held up the broken house before you realized you were holding on to a house that didn't even belong to you. The moment you come to that realization, you're not letting go of the broken house asking why. You are running the hell out because you know that in any given moment it'll fall down to the ground. You are smarter, and braver, and found actual merit inside of yourself. For no why will ever question that.
Besides, we will we always feel the absence of someone we once loved. Always. But by knowing that at one point in time, that they existed inside of our life by adding merit. All of our whys will lay to rest when we accept that they just weren't meant to stay inside of our life the entire time. That's the resolution we need to move on. And the peace comes when you finally determine that.
Written by: Tiffany Bales.