The Badass Truth
"If I'm gonna fall down like a dumbass, I’m gonna pick myself up like a badass" -Jenni Rivera
Ever feel like the needy child inside of you makes you feel so alone? But the badass inside of you reminds you that you’ve got you? Really that’s all we need. But there’s obviously a valid reason for the child inside to be tugging at our feet. Like looking for attention? Or maybe for our own inner truths? I always try to be real honest with myself, as it brings out clarity. Evading emotion is fatal to our beings. And the only thing left to do in a tugging moment is to speak the truth. If you can’t speak it, at least acknowledge it for yourself. As it’s the only real thing that can calm the tantruming child inside, by setting you free.
But when your heart aches just to feel something more than what its already been through, I’d say that’s when it’s time to face the truth. And my truth is, as much of a badass I portray myself to be, the child inside of me isn’t a badass at all. She has so much love that’s been wanting and waiting to give. With so much already abandoned. So I've been dormant. Trying to make sense of this thing called life. And love. Somehow throwing in independence and self-empowerment to the equation. This 2021 era of loving thy self like a badass confuses someone who is an old love seeking soul. But I'm resilient. I've found my way around life's curve balls. I've played in the mud when life got messy and found laughs while rolling around in it. Riding along with the waves. I might have got lost in the currents, but I’ve always made my way back to the shores. And I know there’s a lot more mud puddles in my future. I’m not afraid of that. We may feel torn while being pricked by life’s thorns, but we don’t see the beauty in the chaos until it smacks us in the face. I’ve learned through hurt, trials and trauma that I can survive. The badass in me reminds me that. So why does this strong independent woman want so badly to love someone else? The truth is, because we weren't built to be alone. Excuses have only made 2021 the era of self-righteousness. But what happened to trying? To fighting for what you believe in? For loving yourself enough to love someone else selflessly not selfishly. Now days they call that enabling. Which is true to a point. But there's value to loving someone so much that you fight for them. To lose yourself just a little bit because without that person a part of you wouldn't exist. I'm all for strong, independent, badass people who don't let users, liars and abusers take advantage of them. But to love someone is a gift. And that's all the child inside of ourselves want in return. To be loved.
Maybe my truth is that I’m missing just that. This vulnerable heart of mine is like a butterfly that keeps getting trapped into webs. Because I’m flying around hopelessly looking for a flower to call home. It’s hard to be such a badass while admitting that to yourself. That this strong woman needs someone. Damn. But not just anyone. That's why she’s selective. Yet another reason she keeps getting trampled on. It’s the ultimate tug of war because one part of her is the strong, badass, single, independent woman, and the other part is a hopeless romantic fantasizing her future prince. Okay, maybe not a prince, but he’s definitely a charmer. And damn it I’m tired of all these sad songs. I want love songs to make sense. I want to feel giddy and excited to love again. I want to get butterflies when I see his text or name light up my phone. I want him to smile with that adorable smile that makes me melt when he thinks of me. The child in me is screaming for just that. But is this online dating social media era causing love to be harder to achieve? Because it only desensitizes us, which in contrary, makes us harder to love and be loved. Because there is always someone better. That's all I see and hear lately. Those famous words "you deserve better" and I know my value. And wasting my time entertaining jerk after jerk is exhausting. I'm done with that.
So will I miss out if I just wait for the right one?
Ever feel like the needy child inside of you makes you feel so alone? But the badass inside of you reminds you that you’ve got you? Really that’s all we need. But there’s obviously a valid reason for the child inside to be tugging at our feet. Like looking for attention? Or maybe for our own inner truths? I always try to be real honest with myself, as it brings out clarity. Evading emotion is fatal to our beings. And the only thing left to do in a tugging moment is to speak the truth. If you can’t speak it, at least acknowledge it for yourself. As it’s the only real thing that can calm the tantruming child inside, by setting you free.
But when your heart aches just to feel something more than what its already been through, I’d say that’s when it’s time to face the truth. And my truth is, as much of a badass I portray myself to be, the child inside of me isn’t a badass at all. She has so much love that’s been wanting and waiting to give. With so much already abandoned. So I've been dormant. Trying to make sense of this thing called life. And love. Somehow throwing in independence and self-empowerment to the equation. This 2021 era of loving thy self like a badass confuses someone who is an old love seeking soul. But I'm resilient. I've found my way around life's curve balls. I've played in the mud when life got messy and found laughs while rolling around in it. Riding along with the waves. I might have got lost in the currents, but I’ve always made my way back to the shores. And I know there’s a lot more mud puddles in my future. I’m not afraid of that. We may feel torn while being pricked by life’s thorns, but we don’t see the beauty in the chaos until it smacks us in the face. I’ve learned through hurt, trials and trauma that I can survive. The badass in me reminds me that. So why does this strong independent woman want so badly to love someone else? The truth is, because we weren't built to be alone. Excuses have only made 2021 the era of self-righteousness. But what happened to trying? To fighting for what you believe in? For loving yourself enough to love someone else selflessly not selfishly. Now days they call that enabling. Which is true to a point. But there's value to loving someone so much that you fight for them. To lose yourself just a little bit because without that person a part of you wouldn't exist. I'm all for strong, independent, badass people who don't let users, liars and abusers take advantage of them. But to love someone is a gift. And that's all the child inside of ourselves want in return. To be loved.
Maybe my truth is that I’m missing just that. This vulnerable heart of mine is like a butterfly that keeps getting trapped into webs. Because I’m flying around hopelessly looking for a flower to call home. It’s hard to be such a badass while admitting that to yourself. That this strong woman needs someone. Damn. But not just anyone. That's why she’s selective. Yet another reason she keeps getting trampled on. It’s the ultimate tug of war because one part of her is the strong, badass, single, independent woman, and the other part is a hopeless romantic fantasizing her future prince. Okay, maybe not a prince, but he’s definitely a charmer. And damn it I’m tired of all these sad songs. I want love songs to make sense. I want to feel giddy and excited to love again. I want to get butterflies when I see his text or name light up my phone. I want him to smile with that adorable smile that makes me melt when he thinks of me. The child in me is screaming for just that. But is this online dating social media era causing love to be harder to achieve? Because it only desensitizes us, which in contrary, makes us harder to love and be loved. Because there is always someone better. That's all I see and hear lately. Those famous words "you deserve better" and I know my value. And wasting my time entertaining jerk after jerk is exhausting. I'm done with that.
So will I miss out if I just wait for the right one?
Oddly, the badass in me says yea. Because I don't want to miss a damn loving moment. The badass isn't afraid to get hurt. But the badass is so damn tired of it. The heart in me just wants a good man to call home. That's worth waiting for. Doesn't mean I'm not going to keep being who I am. With or without love. I'll still wear my hair up with big hoops and velvet teddy lips. Sip my red wine that makes me feel divine and pray for the man that God has planned for me. Someone absolutely beautiful recently woke me up. Her words shook my wings right out of that tangled web. "I wish you could see what I see in you, cause the right one will see it too." Ain't that the badass truth.
But that's the thing about being selfless. We don't recognize our shimmer and shine. But we'll sit in the dark just to be the light for others. I can't change the simple fact that I care. But the badass in me always redirects my cares. Because she won’t let the child in me suffer to neglect. Besides, all its going to take is meeting the right one. And I’ll gently untangle his wings right out of the web that he got trapped into. And that'll be a wrap. Because he’s going to love the child in me that has so much love to give, and admire the badass that it took to wait for him. We just need to grasp onto our truths. Because the moment we come to terms with them, badass things will start to evolve.
"The Badass Truth" Written by: Tiffany Bales