The One...Fairy Tale or Bust?
"Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk." - unknown
Don’t get me wrong, I myself always fall for the fairy tale type. It’s literally in my DNA thanks to the stacks of books and movies I grew up reading and watching. Gravitationally pulled towards the one percent of men. With much thanks to Cinderella and Belle, I was forced to believe at a young age that a challenge is the type of man I should give my heart away to. Like the entitled Prince Charming who got to choose one out of so many beautiful women to marry. Of course he would only want Cinderella because she was the only one he couldn’t have. The Beast treated Belle like shit, and she was still nice to him. Teaching us little ladies that it’s okay to deal with bullshit. Because one day our true love will warm up and suddenly love you back in return? Like loving someone at their worst with no reciprocation whatsoever will bippidy boppity boopity, make them love us someday? Which is really only sympathy because we let them put us through hell. By no means does that speak mutual to me. Yet these “role model” characters taught us to seek the complicated ones. Not the someone good for us one. But this is where it began. And it only carried on with all of my challenged relationships that never lasted, thanks to the true reality of the happily ever after those movies never showed me. I guess there is a valid reason why they left it at the honeymoon after all. I mean wouldn’t it be awesome to see a squeal with Cinderella still stuck cleaning and picking up Prince Charming’s dirty ass laundry? Or the not so funny Lifetime series of Belle brutally beaten by the Beast she married because he showed violent toxic tendencies in the beginning? There is no logic to a fairy tale, so why did so many of us grow up hoping for a love like that anyway.
But I remember feeling that strong force back in high school. Thinking and believing that he was the one. Logically thinking he was just a challenging Beast and I was Belle. He wasn't sweet just because he was sweet. He was only sweet when he was getting something from me. Yet, I believed it was love because I didn't know any better. Giving my heart away just for it to be beaten. That's not love. Yet somehow, I let that beast in because I thought just like Belle did. Maybe the more I try to get his attention he will love me back in return. Maybe if I let him have what others couldn’t give him, he’d want only me. Maybe if I’m nice and show him my beauty he will choose me. But he’s just a beast, and life ain't a fairy tale. Especially when I found him kissing an unknown beauty in a hot tub. Or the simple fucking fact that he dated my friend behind my back should have handed me my heart back. No beast like that deserves such a Belle. But it's always the beauties that end up crying alone in the dark. Because they don't allow darkness to show in the light. You can look at her and see a smile, but behind that smile is bottles of wine and years of tears cried. Dare her to show you the beast underneath her beauty, it would make any man want to cry. But she doesn't seek pity, nor sympathy. She is a Belle. This Belle may have been through it, but she sure as hell will not settle for a vicious beast. Although it took a few years for her to finally run away from them. About fifteen to be exact...
Sitting on top of a couple decades feeling like Cinderella, made me somehow believe I was finally happily ever afterly living my upmost fairy tale. But the happily ever after that I was living in, led me straight to disaster. Usually in fairy tales, the disaster comes prior to the happily ever after. But in my case, I never got out of the thorns. Turns out you can't even clean that kind of mess up even if you have Cinderella’s magical entourage. The issue was perception. Not prosperity. Regardless of what it really is don't matter if it looks good to everybody else. In life, we all strive so hard to achieve our fairy tales, that we really don't care who they are with. We want someone, so we settle for them the very moment we decide that's what we want. I think the "right girl, wrong time" phrase is bullshit. Because if we truly wanted someone, we wouldn't ever make that excuse, and vice versa. We want it, we go get it. We are go getters. Hell, I know I am. But my issue was that I struggled with love because it meant so much to me. It was like the rose that was so sacred, yet diminishing as time passed just like the beast hoped and prayed for true love. Hey, maybe there was a beast inside of myself yearning for true love as well. I mean we all want to love and to be loved. Isn't that our ultimate fairy tale after all? Maybe some admire the horse and carriage, or the fancy glamorous balls, or decked out castles. For myself, my fairy tale was and will always be love. But I struggled because I was forced to grow up at a young age with my "Prince Charming". He was more of a pain in my side rather than true. But I believed with all my heart that it was just life’s wild toad ride that made it hard for us. I didn’t realize I was making excuses to evade myself from my very own happiness. All I did was clean up messes. But I still never stopped believing in love. I felt like Rapunzel isolated in some tower waiting for life not to suck. Minus the locks of hair of course, I wanted to run away. I wanted more. I wanted me. So, I had to fight for myself, but more importantly, for my kids. Bravery isn't waiting for some prince to rescue you; it's having the courage to rescue your fucking self. I realized that I needed to free myself from the Alice in Wonderland life I was mazing through. I couldn't keep waking up from the same damn nightmare over and over again. I found myself when I actually woke the fuck up. But is wanting love my fault for settling? Is that desire what led me straight to the dungeon? Do I have to admit failure as fault for believing that I deserved my happily ever after? Because that was all that I dreamt of. But somewhere amongst those dreams I succumbed into what I thought love was. I guess I thought it meant sticking around even if it was with the wicked, or even worse actually becoming wicked. Love can change a person. But prosperity can rebuild you, and sometimes you have to escape from perception to find what’s really meant for you.
You see, believing in a fairy tale is what got me stuck in the first place. I still ran like hell thinking Prince Charming was chasing me, or God forbid, trying to rescue me. That PTSD is haunting. I had to stroll through the dark woods alone. Those witches’ sure as hell lurked in the shadows. They knew the moment I was scared and crept right in. They may have been pretty, but their ugly character wouldn't fool me anymore. Some may have made me question why I ever left my castle in the first place. But we got to get past the dragons to find a clear path. Most people leave their castle for a bigger one, and there I was stuck in between them. It was hard. At one point I felt like the mean old witch because reality can make you bitter. Especially when you find yourself back with the first Beast that broke your heart before. Fantasizing a whole new fairy tale yet again. I learned quickly, the patterns will keep circling if you let them. But isn't that our problem anyway? We feel so damn strong for choosing ourselves, then we find ourselves back in the same damn dirt only holding a different rock. We idealize this "One" person inside of our minds and turn the person we currently want into them. How does that make any sense? The one isn't someone we meet. It's who we create inside of our mind. A feeling that someone can make us feel that brings them to life into our eyes. But this is why we settle. Because no one is perfect. No one is going to fit inside of our dream lands one mold. That person we vision for ourselves is ideally our very own drop-dead Fred.
In order to find our "fairy tale" we have got to truly love and find ourselves. Heal ourselves. Experience the Peter Pans and stop trying to be their damn Wendy. If only fairy tales taught me to believe in myself. To trust myself. Not some true loves kiss to save me. Maybe I did everything backwards. Maybe a piece of myself is just like Alice in Alice in Wonderland, or Belle, and Cinderella. I mean maybe I am a little bit of Jasmine and Sleeping Beauty. A little lost, a little found. But the common denominator is no prince. The gold is me. I value who I am. It took all the trauma and heartbreak in my life to realize that I will never lose myself again. I've got me, no one owns me. No one will shape me or mold me, that's my job. All perception does is fool us. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't give one fuck about who is the fairest of them all. I thank myself for my flaws and the true honest real person that I am. The imperfect woman that makes mistakes but learns from them. The woman who admits her wrongs and laughs at failure. I don't care about perfect. I care about what's right. At the end of the day, we can sit and pray and hope for love. But just because somebody looks like the one we built up in our very own dream land doesn't guarantee that the shoe is the right fit. Nothing is guaranteed. I've dated a lot of guys that fit that role in my head. But after everything I've been through, I can see true merit, not the perception they perceive.
I honestly don't believe in the one. Tales make great stories to drift off to dreamland to, but I live in reality. In reality, when we get struck by a mythical dragon, okay a bus, we die. When someone tells us a lie and feeds us the bare minimum, we red tag their asses straight to the dump. Love isn't a chore. Some people are just too damn lazy to work for the life that they want by being patient and God forbid treated right. They'd rather steal someone else's empire. In fairy tale world, I'd call them the wicked witches, but God damn, ain't it funny how there are so many of those in reality? Once you own your own castle, you weed those nasty fuckers out. Queens don't have time for thieves. But it's easy to get caught up in a dream, especially if that dream is finding your King.
But by being authentic chances are you'll find a person that fits into your life that you will want to make efforts for. They won't suddenly bring this intense feeling that melts you, I mean unless you really are a witch and get water thrown on you maybe you will... But really, they may even challenge you...and piss you off. They may bring out old insecurities for you to become aware of, that you’ll need to focus on for yourself. Hell, someone who calls you out on your bullshit that won't run away when they bring it out of you is solid. It's all about what you are willing to accept. Because choosing someone is literally about choosing them. It's not who you want them to be to fit into your perfect fairy tale world. It's about wanting to be inside of theirs, and vice versa. Two worlds merging into one. That’s it. Not a magical unicorn ass stab. I mean maybe you get lucky and have magical unicorn dreamland sex, that's always a plus. But when life gets hard, they aren't going anywhere. Either will you when they need you. That's goals. A mutual feeling that thrives with integrity, honesty, communication and most importantly, REALITY. I stopped chasing fairy tales when I realized that I was chasing a lifeless dream. Life's too short for that.
So, there you have it. I will always get my ass into fucking reality, and I want you to stop looking for THE ONE and go find ANYONE that you want, who also wants you, and start there. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But that's how you figure out what you truly want. Sometimes it takes a few fuck ups to get it right. But there are no failures in love, or in life if you tried. Once you realize the one is just a dream that's built up inside of our minds all based off of characters inside of a book, it really brings you back to life. YOUR life. Just do whatever makes you happy, and you'll stop worrying so much about finding the one that doesn't exist. That's honestly why you haven't met him yet. He's not somewhere in Paris or Rome. HE'S NOT FUCKING REAL. But you are. Remember that.
Written by Epiphany Tiffany.
But by being authentic chances are you'll find a person that fits into your life that you will want to make efforts for. They won't suddenly bring this intense feeling that melts you, I mean unless you really are a witch and get water thrown on you maybe you will... But really, they may even challenge you...and piss you off. They may bring out old insecurities for you to become aware of, that you’ll need to focus on for yourself. Hell, someone who calls you out on your bullshit that won't run away when they bring it out of you is solid. It's all about what you are willing to accept. Because choosing someone is literally about choosing them. It's not who you want them to be to fit into your perfect fairy tale world. It's about wanting to be inside of theirs, and vice versa. Two worlds merging into one. That’s it. Not a magical unicorn ass stab. I mean maybe you get lucky and have magical unicorn dreamland sex, that's always a plus. But when life gets hard, they aren't going anywhere. Either will you when they need you. That's goals. A mutual feeling that thrives with integrity, honesty, communication and most importantly, REALITY. I stopped chasing fairy tales when I realized that I was chasing a lifeless dream. Life's too short for that.
So, there you have it. I will always get my ass into fucking reality, and I want you to stop looking for THE ONE and go find ANYONE that you want, who also wants you, and start there. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But that's how you figure out what you truly want. Sometimes it takes a few fuck ups to get it right. But there are no failures in love, or in life if you tried. Once you realize the one is just a dream that's built up inside of our minds all based off of characters inside of a book, it really brings you back to life. YOUR life. Just do whatever makes you happy, and you'll stop worrying so much about finding the one that doesn't exist. That's honestly why you haven't met him yet. He's not somewhere in Paris or Rome. HE'S NOT FUCKING REAL. But you are. Remember that.
Written by Epiphany Tiffany.