Epiphany Tiffany

“True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does” -Torquato Tasso  Is love like gold? And how do you know whether or not its real or fake? Do you have to fall in and out of it to see the realness of it in the end? Or do you have to be  Not fooled by it  to figure it out? Besides what even differentiates real love and fake love anyway? Because unlike gold, there isn't a nitric acid test for love. Are we even in real love anyway? Because I truly feel like we aren't thanks to settling. And what really saddens me is that I have noticed so many people in these fake relationships that aren’t even happy or in love anymore, and are getting divorced and plain out mean to their “lovers” too much lately. What happened to that closeness? Is it completely gone? Does it even truly exist anymore? Sometimes I find myself wondering that. And that’s what worries me because I want to believe that it does. But it’s looking awful to society, because in re...

I'm totally over it. But I wasn't today. Maybe something inside, made me feel this way. I thought I was happy,  maybe I'm not. How did I get here?  I thought I forgot. Thanks to my conscious, I can never forget. All that it takes, is something simple to make our memories, begin again. Maybe it's wanting to feel something real. Taking me back, to the way you  made me feel. Or maybe seeing you,  brought on these retakes. I don't know what it is about you thats making me feel this way.  Cause the flashes start to replay, inside of my head. I can't even think of one moment of sadness during the times that we spent. Bringing more tears, As I try to switch off my thoughts. I can't even turn them off, by taking a shot. But the gin helps the pain start to go away. Although the memories of you linger inside of my brain. Instead of fighting them off, I let them take me back. With tears in my eyes,  I still smile and laugh. Gosh I can g...

"One poem, three subjects, one woman"  - Harsh Truth. Your love was as strong as the pine-sol on the dirty floor. Leaving you felt like walking barefoot on holy water as I got closer to the door. I couldn’t even clean up the mess with our very own mop or broom, Instead I just ran like hell leaving every single thing there inside of our room. And I didn't even look back, I knew if I did you would try to get me to come back, And there was nothing left inside me to let you retract. Because I did my time, By doing what I thought was genuinely right. So when I got out I knew that I had to follow my heart, Turns out both of those things only left me alone in the dark. Yet I still permitted an old flame to be re-lit, That I now only repent for allowing it. I guess the true love that I thought was real turned out to be a sin, Now she has you so I guess she wins. But the truth is that nobody wins. Not you, not me, not her or him. I’d rather be told the harsh truth t...

"Nothing is forever, forever is a lie. All we have is what's between hello and goodbye." - Marilyn Bergman If you had the chance to have a last word with someone, what would you say? I don't hate you, I'm sorry, or maybe even I love you, and goodbye? So it had me thinking. When people are in our lives, we never really know when we will say our last words to them. So if we had the chance to actually say something because we actually knew it would be the last thing we would say, what would it be? Would it be how they made us feel? Or would it be the anger they brought out of us? Would we all be able to let go and forgive better because we have prior notice and confirmation of last words to them? We are all in moments and time with people in our lives and somehow they make an impact on us. I mean you can’t choose what happens, nor what the outcome will be when they aren't. That's just life. People move on, some have you there to conquer a plan, some love y...

"You do not just wake up and become a butterfly, growth is a process" -Rupi Kaur Growth is a process. That stuck with me. Because I am extremely hard on myself. All the time. Aren't we all? But I look back at myself only a year ago, and have made so much progress. On top of being set back just six months ago with a huge life changing event that nearly killed that growth progress, I still look back and see even more growth within myself. I always continue to move forward, and to grow, although sometimes I still feel like the ugly caterpillar wanting to run and hide back into my safe cocoon. Why do we see ourselves so harshly? Yet we see others and admire them. Admiring even the moths that try to fool us to believe they themselves are also butterflies. But they are not, and will never be. Don't let them fool you. Some will always just be a moth wearing and taring at you, trying to bring you down. But its okay, you cannot control what others say and do. Keep being y...

"Love and war are the same thing, and stratagems and policy are as allowable in the one as in the other." - Miguel De Cervantes Blue, your eyes so blue. Just like the way that I felt when you left the room. But my heart held back because I wanted it to be detached from you. Yet I felt your haze finding its way through my hearts heavily armed and guarded maze. I'm not sure that my army of soldiers were even enough to battle your vigorous strength. So I wasn't sure what to do. Because I couldn't admit to myself the way that I thought that I could feel about you. And my mind forgot to remind me to play it cool. When you laid right next to me inside of my room. So I lost control and let you consume. Because you made me want you so bad. That I couldn’t help but have you anyway that I realistically could have. And that energy ignited into a burning desire. And you made it all worth it, completely fueling my fire. And the feeling began to spark into a burni...

I can get rid of all the things, Pack them up and ship it all off, So I think the haunting memories will begin to stop. Turns out I cannot get rid of my heart, The residual damage still lingered there inside of the dark. Sometimes I feel the hurt sometimes I don’t, But just because it’s gone now doesn’t mean that I won’t. Just because something touched every piece of my existence, Doesn’t mean that it won’t leave me defeat-less. Even if I was defeated by your love itself, I'll still face the ghosts that like to remind me just how it felt. The happy, the sad, the highs and the lows, These ghosts take me right back to the moments that I let go. But I still see the night sky, the planets and our star, I still see you driving everywhere inside of your car. When I’m driving long drives, I remember all of ours, Babes, the happy cows, holy water and our dream cars. When you said, you wish you would’ve had kids with me, How I would’ve done anything f...

Ever feel like you are a ball of stress? Like you have so many things going on and you are bouncing around like a bouncing ball all over the damn place? Like you just can’t get a grasp of yourself.  Maybe its work, being a mom, or even a wife. Maybe you are just tired of living up to the image you portray. Or maybe you just are plain up TIRED. I can agree to that! It’s so hard to deal with everyday life battles. Trust.  My day consists of mini mountains. From waking up at five am, pulling my tired self out of my amazing pure white comfy bed, to get a microsecond to myself to brew a cup of coffee. I enjoy the calm still morning before the chaos begins. Oh, because it will. Once those tiny little humans I’m raising on my own have to be barked at for twenty minutes straight just to get a grunt out of them wake up. Then they cry walk themselves into the same damn bathroom I am trying to get ready in. They sit there pouting, dampening the coffee that’s starting to fuel through...