Epiphany Tiffany

I look up at the blue sky, It reminds me of your eyes.  The imagery of your eyes reminds me of your true spoken beautiful lies. Those lies awaken my memory to all the reasons why. Why you left. How bad it hurt. But how I am able to look back and not feel it anymore. Because when I look at the street it points out that I moved on. Like the bus route that comes and the next minute it's gone. The red light alerts my attention that I am aching for something greater than us. And as much as I didn’t want to believe this. You're my first love facade. But like the baby bird looks back at its mom as it flies out of its nest, Not knowing it will be the last look she’s ever going to get.  It is bittersweet. I wanted to hold on to the grief, but couldn't help the grin that shined straight through my teeth. Telling the entire world that I'm happy with a colossal smile. Because that’s really the only proof in this lif...

When your thoughts are louder than the music you blare to erase their existence.  But nothing can tune out the beaming speculation that exhibits the what ifs.  But the imprint that made my heart believe in a myth. Only reminds me now not to tamper with anything like it.  But of course I did. Cause here I am. Looking into the eyes of a stranger just to feel something again.  That still won’t replace the facts.  Whether or not we moved on and stopped looking back.  Because the past still haunts you when you go out for a run. And the ghosts follow you around as butterflies just to remind you who won.  That effervescent beauty will always stab the weakest hearts. It’ll take what’s left of it out like frozen meat from a freezer and rip it apart. Feeding your soul the scraps while it remains locked up inside of its cage.  That you got trapped into cause you believed with your whole heart it was safe.  But I wil...

A simple childhood game, Cautiously whispers the sound of danger as you summon me to play.  The invisible rope commences this war. I’ll grab one end, the other is yours. Your self-assured confidence pulls the rope with a strong clench. Chills tingle down my neck with each word you elect. "It’s nice to finally see you again." But we're just friends. Here on this crowded beach for the weekend. Despite your erotic perception that captivates my deceptions. I marvel at the thoughts discreetly and I imagine it. We’ll sit on wooden bar stools inside The Hideaway Cafe.  You'll get up to order both of us the same drink.  I’ll watch you  high five the bartender before you come back and take a seat.  I’ll sit and observe our similarities. How we’re both dominant and free spirited.  Or how  you laugh while you talk, While we watch the kids flying through pennies inside the arcade on the boardwalk.  I preserve composure gripping my ulte...

Did you know that all women and men are STILL involved in human slavery today? Yet we are so focused on things that happened centuries ago? And is there anyone still alive today that can justify to being a slave? The answer is yes. They are the ones being sold into sex slavery and human trafficking in the black market. This is still happening, yet we aren’t focused on that. Society isn’t focused on the actual people causing the damage because unfortunately, they do fall through the cracks. Thanks to a world becoming more corrupt causing higher demands and less justification. But God knows. I’d be more afraid of my mercy alone if I were the one behind these terrible acts that are happening. But somehow everyone is blaming everyone at this point. Hate is hate. If we focus on every single ounce of bad then bad will keep happening. How can we be kind to one another if we keep spreading hate, anger, hurt, and pain. These negatives will always exist. We cannot control that one bit, the ...

We grow up learning from the moment we are born. Like how to walk, how to tie our shoes, how to do certain things. Learning actions before emotions and feelings. So when we fall down and get hurt and cry in grade school, the nurse tells us to put a band-aid on it and go back to class. No one asks our feelings behind the hurt, learning to hide the emotions we are feeling. That can make any kid feel like feeling is wrong. But it carries on in our childhood. We learn how to evolve based on everyone around us. Going with the grade curve of our peers is what makes us acceptable to society. When really, if that vast majority of our peers are doing drugs, getting drunk and fucked, well then that's what we should all be doing according to society right? Not this girl. But when you are different, you stand out and people treat you differently because you don't fit in. So a young kid that doesn't really know any better will try to blend in just to fit into that mold. This is when w...

"When you're on your path, life conspires for you, not against you." Brene Brown. This is one of my top ten favorite quotes. Because in life there are so many things that conspire for us, and against us. Yet we only seem to gravitate towards what we want in our lives, not what life brings us. So we go against our fate forcing our own way based off of our very own emotions, verses patiently waiting for life to bring us what we are meant for. Gosh, I can't count how many times I ended up hurt because life just wasn't on my side of the spectrum when it came to my wants. But turns out, I only ended up hurt by conspiring against what life had planned for me. So it had me thinking...What's wrong with being patient? For taking a deep inhale to exhale out all of the toxic things in my life that don't conspire for me? What if we could throw out our very own expectations of what we think is meant to be for us, and just let life happen exactly how it should be? To ...

"Love is your addiction to an eternal longing for someone, but a thirst which one cannot quench." -Unknown You ask me if I can love you forever. But yet I don't quite know the answer. And that is okay. Not knowing doesn't mean that I don't love you that kind of way. Because forever isn't given. It's something hard work earns. And months together won't grant us what we believe we both deserve. Take it from me. I've learned that along time ago. When he and I both made a promise with that hopeless F word. But people change and hearts grow apart. Life makes love tough. Especially when someone doesn't quite love the other one enough. Or even worse, treats it like an addiction.  Not being able to find any satisfaction with what the other one gives. Cause if two lovers aren't on the same page.  Well, I'd hate to be the one to say that I told you that it would end up this way.  But I do understand when you say that you love m...

My storm is destructive, Yours fatal. I still fell in love, After how fragile I was, I was still able. You knew my past flaws and my biggest hurts. But promised me with those kind and calming words. That you wouldn’t be the same. But my heart feels the embers of what’s left of your Colorado wild fire flames.  You told me you wouldn’t leave no matter how hard it got. So my heart picked you and you threw it straight into a boiling pot.  And here I am left with the mess to clean up because of your insecurities. Turns out they all did that to me. But I still believed the lies that you spoke. Hoping that someone could contest to the doubts that I have come to know. But it turns out that I'm still right, Even when I wish that I would’ve been wrong, Being right doesn’t help me sleep any better at night. Because I’d rather be proved wrong a million times. Than to lose another lover in my life.  But you gave up on me and our dreams, Wh...

When you get grief for being yourself. Wanting to be free sometimes without catering to someone else. Because you deserve the time you get spend by yourself. You work so damn hard not to pay attention to you. Because you should be able to do anything you want to do,  Without giving someone else the power to dictate what is best or not for you.  Because you know your heart and soul is amazing. And this person will always be the only one complaining. Not allowing you to do simple things without a fight. Trying to force the words I love you down your throat and expecting you to say it back every time. But you keep giving chances. Because you can’t seem to wrap your own damn head around all of this madness.  Because you only see what’s good, not what’s bad. This is the problem and now look where you stand.  But the issue at hand isn’t "who I am". Yet they will always tell me ...