Unlearn to Be You.
We grow up learning from the moment we are born. Like how to walk, how to tie our shoes, how to do certain things. Learning actions before emotions and feelings. So when we fall down and get hurt and cry in grade school, the nurse tells us to put a band-aid on it and go back to class. No one asks our feelings behind the hurt, learning to hide the emotions we are feeling. That can make any kid feel like feeling is wrong. But it carries on in our childhood. We learn how to evolve based on everyone around us. Going with the grade curve of our peers is what makes us acceptable to society. When really, if that vast majority of our peers are doing drugs, getting drunk and fucked, well then that's what we should all be doing according to society right?
Not this girl. But when you are different, you stand out and people treat you differently because you don't fit in. So a young kid that doesn't really know any better will try to blend in just to fit into that mold. This is when we need to teach our kids differently. To be themselves. To be different, and that's perfectly okay. Sure not all people want to make their own choices and it's so much easier to follow because its easier. But no one said life is easy. And if you want to succeed, it's not going to be a walk in the park, more like an uphill slope of die hard sweats and breaks to take breaths before you make your way to the top, and even then, there will always be another mountain waiting around the corner. Stop lying to yourself, or better yet, settling in the shade for 20 years with everyone else that is tired.
But just because you are a follower doesn't make you any less of a person. You go with the flow and that makes you you. Some people want to settle and live easy, but that doesn't mean that life won't ever get hard. Being comfortable is comforting. And growth is a process. But to be different by not flowing with the stream of others, well that makes you unique. It makes you a leader. Because, it is true that there are two different types of people out there. The leaders and the followers. Leaders tend to be the ones who are different than the majority. Leaders have been bullied, torn down, and treated poorly because they didn't fit in with the rest. So it builds us stronger. But that's the issue. You're only acceptable to society if you follow along with everyone else? How is this okay? At what point did being uncomfortable become a wrong thing? Because the way I see it, being uncomfortable opens up places we have never been and that brings so much room for growth, challenge and lesson. But a lot of the lessons I actually learned in this life, are lessons that I had to learn for myself the hard way. And the thing is, if I would have listened to everyone else by being a follower, I wouldn't have grown. I'm not in anyway saying if your friend tells you something not to take it into consideration. Especially if its something totally bad for you, friends and family love you for a reason and most of the time their opinions are valid. And half the time, you already know the answer inside of you, you are just scared of the uncomfortable. But is unlearning really that bad? After growing up in a society that has your whole life planned out for you from the start? Dare to be different?
So I started thinking about all of the things that I have learned, that built me up to be the same as everyone else, but better. Right? Wrong. Aren't we all the doing the same things yet somehow competing to do it better than the rest? How can we even fathom that? If we are all doing the same things, how can one person be better than the other? Because we all are different human beings, with different talents, different beauty, different personalities, yet somehow we are all doing the SAME THINGS! WHY? Because we were built to be this way. Imagine if we can raise ourselves as the adult we are now. Teaching our own self the things we had to learn the hard way. I'm sure a lot of us wouldn't make the same mistakes we have made right? If I had to unlearn anything it would be the american dream. The grow up to get married, to have children, to get a good job to one day retire and travel dream. Gosh its so mediocre. When we don't even know when our hour glass runs out. So why are we setting ourselves up for failure and hurt, by being so goal focused that we are always living inside a different moment, other than the moment we are actually living in. That is called wasting precious time. But we don't know any better because we were taught and wired to have these dreams to achieve.
If I could have learned that staying and suffering inside of a marriage would've lead me to happiness by leaving, I would've left a lot sooner. But I grew up with divorced parents. So I promised myself that no matter what I didn't want to end up that way. So I held on because that was all I knew. I held on to countless nights of tears and turmoil because I was wired to believe that somehow, if I hold on it will all work out in the end, but thanks to Disney movies, not everything in real life is happily ever after. But imagine if Disney movies had the princess fight for her own life, and wasn't saved by some prince charming. Imagine how a lot of us women would be now. Love comes when its least expected. And to settle with the first man that gives us attention doesn't mean he is our prince charming. If I was raising myself, I would toss out all of those Disney movies and show myself more actual real life documentaries. Remember how shocked all of us were when 9/11 hit? None of my generation has ever seen anything like it, because we were all so sheltered. Nothing like that happened in Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast. And the Prince always rescued the princess from the mean witch, so even if something bad happened, we'll be okay in the end right? WRONG. Even now, the Hallmark romances are just an adult version of Disney movies. Placing fantasies inside of our minds instead of actually loving the one we chose. There will always be bigger and better if we believe it, or think it. That's the issue. We were not raised strong enough to handle our own emotions inside of us. So when we see these movies, we believe that it is possible for us. When in reality, it's just a movie, and a fantasy is not a reality. Would it hurt to be logical and live life the way you chose it to be? Oh wait, but that's the problem. You didn't choose, you followed what Becky was doing and settled. And now you're feeling emotional because you have finally realized that you may not be living in the life you actually wanted. So you live in a fantasy because it's actually better than your reality. But it doesn't have to be that way. You have the right to choose the life you want. And this is when we have to engrave this into our children so they don't settle the way we did.
Because our feelings matter. But I was taught to bury them deep down because feelings that are different are not acceptable. I became numb as a child, not knowing how to talk about my feelings. Like when I had a crush on a boy, I never told him because that's just what you do. You don't share feelings. You only share your toys. Finding myself in a marriage because I got knocked up at a young age because I thought that getting married was the right thing to do. Because according to everyone else, having a child out of wedlock is a sin. So I suffered through a toxic marriage hoping that one day it would all be okay, that I would wake up and somehow it be better. Thanks to Disney. And because I was so focused on not getting divorced because I didn't want my kids to go through what I did, only kept me holding on. This is the issue. We suffer from our prior generations mistakes that we make our own mistakes trying not to be like them. Instead of allowing life to happen the way its supposed too. So basically, I held on because of what I grew up to learn. I had to unlearn what was stuck inside of me in order to get out. But maybe that was my happy ending, where one day I finally woke up and realized I wasn't where I was supposed to be, so I left. Maybe when things go wrong, they are actually teaching us to do what's right. The patterns will always continue if you allow them too. If you keep inside the circle of what you think life is, you will keep going around and around. But is it wrong to step out of the circle and actually live your life for what you were destined for? We are not the same. Everyone is magnificent in their own way. That's why we love. We fall in and out of love because we see them for who they truly are. Not what society taught them to be.
Yes I totally believe that how we are raised doesn't force our decisions. But in contrary, the decisions we make are based off of what we know. And what we know is only what we were taught. If we weren't taught that a small decision can impact our entire life, how are we fully equipped and prepared to make the right choice? I'm still unlearning a lot of things I thought I believed in. But in order to be better, I know I need to be bigger. Not smaller. Not to fit in underneath a microscope. Being myself is the only way for me to grow. To live the life I was meant for. Yea, I might get off track and wander around out of the line society designed, but you know what, it's so much more beautiful to lead my own life. The word beautiful itself says "BE YOU" first, not them. So don't ever feel bad for your decisions, as they define who you are, not what you were taught.
Written by: Tiffany Bales.
Not this girl. But when you are different, you stand out and people treat you differently because you don't fit in. So a young kid that doesn't really know any better will try to blend in just to fit into that mold. This is when we need to teach our kids differently. To be themselves. To be different, and that's perfectly okay. Sure not all people want to make their own choices and it's so much easier to follow because its easier. But no one said life is easy. And if you want to succeed, it's not going to be a walk in the park, more like an uphill slope of die hard sweats and breaks to take breaths before you make your way to the top, and even then, there will always be another mountain waiting around the corner. Stop lying to yourself, or better yet, settling in the shade for 20 years with everyone else that is tired.
But just because you are a follower doesn't make you any less of a person. You go with the flow and that makes you you. Some people want to settle and live easy, but that doesn't mean that life won't ever get hard. Being comfortable is comforting. And growth is a process. But to be different by not flowing with the stream of others, well that makes you unique. It makes you a leader. Because, it is true that there are two different types of people out there. The leaders and the followers. Leaders tend to be the ones who are different than the majority. Leaders have been bullied, torn down, and treated poorly because they didn't fit in with the rest. So it builds us stronger. But that's the issue. You're only acceptable to society if you follow along with everyone else? How is this okay? At what point did being uncomfortable become a wrong thing? Because the way I see it, being uncomfortable opens up places we have never been and that brings so much room for growth, challenge and lesson. But a lot of the lessons I actually learned in this life, are lessons that I had to learn for myself the hard way. And the thing is, if I would have listened to everyone else by being a follower, I wouldn't have grown. I'm not in anyway saying if your friend tells you something not to take it into consideration. Especially if its something totally bad for you, friends and family love you for a reason and most of the time their opinions are valid. And half the time, you already know the answer inside of you, you are just scared of the uncomfortable. But is unlearning really that bad? After growing up in a society that has your whole life planned out for you from the start? Dare to be different?
So I started thinking about all of the things that I have learned, that built me up to be the same as everyone else, but better. Right? Wrong. Aren't we all the doing the same things yet somehow competing to do it better than the rest? How can we even fathom that? If we are all doing the same things, how can one person be better than the other? Because we all are different human beings, with different talents, different beauty, different personalities, yet somehow we are all doing the SAME THINGS! WHY? Because we were built to be this way. Imagine if we can raise ourselves as the adult we are now. Teaching our own self the things we had to learn the hard way. I'm sure a lot of us wouldn't make the same mistakes we have made right? If I had to unlearn anything it would be the american dream. The grow up to get married, to have children, to get a good job to one day retire and travel dream. Gosh its so mediocre. When we don't even know when our hour glass runs out. So why are we setting ourselves up for failure and hurt, by being so goal focused that we are always living inside a different moment, other than the moment we are actually living in. That is called wasting precious time. But we don't know any better because we were taught and wired to have these dreams to achieve.
If I could have learned that staying and suffering inside of a marriage would've lead me to happiness by leaving, I would've left a lot sooner. But I grew up with divorced parents. So I promised myself that no matter what I didn't want to end up that way. So I held on because that was all I knew. I held on to countless nights of tears and turmoil because I was wired to believe that somehow, if I hold on it will all work out in the end, but thanks to Disney movies, not everything in real life is happily ever after. But imagine if Disney movies had the princess fight for her own life, and wasn't saved by some prince charming. Imagine how a lot of us women would be now. Love comes when its least expected. And to settle with the first man that gives us attention doesn't mean he is our prince charming. If I was raising myself, I would toss out all of those Disney movies and show myself more actual real life documentaries. Remember how shocked all of us were when 9/11 hit? None of my generation has ever seen anything like it, because we were all so sheltered. Nothing like that happened in Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast. And the Prince always rescued the princess from the mean witch, so even if something bad happened, we'll be okay in the end right? WRONG. Even now, the Hallmark romances are just an adult version of Disney movies. Placing fantasies inside of our minds instead of actually loving the one we chose. There will always be bigger and better if we believe it, or think it. That's the issue. We were not raised strong enough to handle our own emotions inside of us. So when we see these movies, we believe that it is possible for us. When in reality, it's just a movie, and a fantasy is not a reality. Would it hurt to be logical and live life the way you chose it to be? Oh wait, but that's the problem. You didn't choose, you followed what Becky was doing and settled. And now you're feeling emotional because you have finally realized that you may not be living in the life you actually wanted. So you live in a fantasy because it's actually better than your reality. But it doesn't have to be that way. You have the right to choose the life you want. And this is when we have to engrave this into our children so they don't settle the way we did.
Because our feelings matter. But I was taught to bury them deep down because feelings that are different are not acceptable. I became numb as a child, not knowing how to talk about my feelings. Like when I had a crush on a boy, I never told him because that's just what you do. You don't share feelings. You only share your toys. Finding myself in a marriage because I got knocked up at a young age because I thought that getting married was the right thing to do. Because according to everyone else, having a child out of wedlock is a sin. So I suffered through a toxic marriage hoping that one day it would all be okay, that I would wake up and somehow it be better. Thanks to Disney. And because I was so focused on not getting divorced because I didn't want my kids to go through what I did, only kept me holding on. This is the issue. We suffer from our prior generations mistakes that we make our own mistakes trying not to be like them. Instead of allowing life to happen the way its supposed too. So basically, I held on because of what I grew up to learn. I had to unlearn what was stuck inside of me in order to get out. But maybe that was my happy ending, where one day I finally woke up and realized I wasn't where I was supposed to be, so I left. Maybe when things go wrong, they are actually teaching us to do what's right. The patterns will always continue if you allow them too. If you keep inside the circle of what you think life is, you will keep going around and around. But is it wrong to step out of the circle and actually live your life for what you were destined for? We are not the same. Everyone is magnificent in their own way. That's why we love. We fall in and out of love because we see them for who they truly are. Not what society taught them to be.
Yes I totally believe that how we are raised doesn't force our decisions. But in contrary, the decisions we make are based off of what we know. And what we know is only what we were taught. If we weren't taught that a small decision can impact our entire life, how are we fully equipped and prepared to make the right choice? I'm still unlearning a lot of things I thought I believed in. But in order to be better, I know I need to be bigger. Not smaller. Not to fit in underneath a microscope. Being myself is the only way for me to grow. To live the life I was meant for. Yea, I might get off track and wander around out of the line society designed, but you know what, it's so much more beautiful to lead my own life. The word beautiful itself says "BE YOU" first, not them. So don't ever feel bad for your decisions, as they define who you are, not what you were taught.
Written by: Tiffany Bales.