The Cost of Loving You

-
How could you?

Make me believe.
Make me love you.
Make me want you.
Make me need you.
Just to turn around
And make me fucking hate you?


But users use.

Tell me something different.

But you call me crazy.

And say I act like a victim.

That I have issues.

That I was the problem.

When all along,

The problem was you.


Making me feel insane

For giving a shit.

Letting me pay,

For all of your bad habits.

Taking my kindness,

My money,

My time.

Being intimate.

Then acting like 

Caring is a god damn commitment.


Who fucking does this?

Not a stable person.

You made me feel like an idiot,

For loving you 

When I was hurting.


But I’m not allowed to get upset?

Because you never defined

Our fucking relationship?

As if the absence of a title

Excuses your bullshit.


You knew I loved you.

You knew I’d show up.

You knew I’d give

Even when I’d had enough.


You didn’t have to call me yours

To know what you were taking.

You didn’t have to promise forever

To know what you were breaking.


And every time I questioned you,

You turned the blame around on me.

Made my intuition sound like insecurity.

Made my heartbreak feel like insanity.


I know that,

I wasn’t crazy.

I was catching on.

To every lie

I wanted to be true so badly.


You let me defend you.

You made me look like a fool. 

You let me love another version,

Of you. 


And the worst fucking part?

I would’ve loved you anyway.

Without the money.

Without the favors.

I never needed you perfect.

I just needed you.

If I’m being honest.


So go ahead.

Tell everyone I’m crazy.

Tell them I’m dramatic.

Tell them I’m bitter.

Tell them whatever helps you

Sleep a little fucking better.


But don’t forget

To tell them what I gave.

How many times I showed up.

How many times that I stayed.


Because I may feel like an idiot

For believing in you.

But you’re the fucking dummy

For losing someone real,

Who actually gave a shit about you.




The Cost of Loving You

Written by Epiphany Tiffany.

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