Epiphany Tiffany

Do you miss dinner  at Tiffany’s. Or all the lunches   I’d pack you So you’d have something to eat I have a feeling  you still picture these things.  Perfect portraits of me nurturing.  Except looking back on the past  Isn’t healthy for me. Either is whiskey. It makes my thoughts run Chevy deep. So I order a double  While he’s staring at me. Poor thing has no clue, How this drink that he bought Is truly affecting me.  Cause I don’t miss you  until something makes me think. Then those thoughts in my head  make me take another drink. Fighting myself again  from doing stupid things. I don’t miss you, I only miss you when I drink.  Making me wanna chase you instead of the whiskey. But apple juice tastes better  than what ever fucking words  you’d speak.  Dialing up numbers  I still can’t delete. God damn it’s not my fault  what whiskey makes me think. Or how your voice in my head  still fucks with me. ...

Is that where you buy  your Marlboro reds? Do you look at the same stop light  I stop at everyday ahead? I can sense you’re not far. So please tell me why it still hurts,  Every time your existence  tugs at my heart. Cause it makes me wanna  run straight to the bar. To drink until your presence  drifts further afar. Until I find myself  at the same booth  we once sat. Remembering the time we  ubered back to your place instead.  I hate that every corner  has that one place on every street.  Is that where you take her  when you go out to dinner and eat? Funny how you used to  go there with me. But when I take my dates places, I think of those things.  I hate how I can’t go anywhere  without seeing your face. I also hate that when you left, my heart felt so easily replaced.  I wish you would’ve just had  a little more grace.  But you probably told her  that I was just a mistake.  Cause ...

A failed marriage. On a dead end street. Led to run away  in the dark. On my own bare feet.  I stood to catch my breathe,  noticing a dim light  illuminating ahead. With no time to pace my heart, that light captured my existence, like a damn flame captures a spark.  Sending two hearts on a marvelous charade. That led to falling in love. With hope inside my whole heart, I longed for him to be the one.  Truth is, What’s meant to be isn’t always so safe and sound.  Uphill battles lead to fabricating frowns.  Especially when life wrenches  our worlds upside down. Cause we aren’t acrobats, who just get right up off the ground. We could’ve called it quits, before anything else could’ve knocked it down.  But we gave us a shot. Then real life trauma struck. forcing the windows of our love to slam shut. And he ran away. Breaking my soul  so fragilely.  Leaving my heart alone  during tragedy. It wasn’t my fault  that fucking ha...

I wish I just had the memories from the faraway past. Because something far distant is a lot harder to look back at. But we had to retract. And the latest version keeps my mind from ceasing the flashbacks.    I know that it’s passed. I just wish that the path from our journey was further away. Or that there was never another chance  for our love to astray.  Maybe if we only happened once in this lifetime  I wouldn’t be feeling this way.    Yet somehow I’ve been okay. After all that’s happened to me, I never imagined  I would be able to say.  There’s somethings I wish I could tell you. But you probably wouldn’t even believe me if I’d say.  I think now the only reason I really cherish those days, Is cause I was so in love and devoted. But facing that heartbreak  only made me become brave. Sure, maybe I thought  I had finally got it right.  But sometimes life turns out to have better  arrangements than mine. Sometimes it...

This happens to ALL of us.  The hey remember me, or hey how’ve ya been messages from an old fling sliding back into our dms. Because let’s face it, they are probably still blocked elsewhere. So they slither on back into one of your social apps thinking they are some Greek god and you should be flattered. When instead you wanna throw up because all of the crap that you allowed them to put you through is replaying back into your mind. You forgot about that shit when you hit the block button two fucking years ago! But thanks for the shitty refresher. It baffles me to think these jerks really believe after so much time has past that they can just blast right back. Like in their pea brains they didn’t use you, or treat you poorly, or for fucks sake, haven’t even spoken to you for TWO YEARS. Let that be a damn reminder that maybe they should’ve kept it that way. But they don’t, and it’s for one simple thing. To see if you are still as dumb as they remember. To blast back to the past to ...

When did speaking our mind lead to ghosting or even worse, being blocked? When did emotions become so emotionless? When did dating become so unattached? Am I the only one who admires prosperity? Or someone who values realness? Who actually wants something more than just sex? Is friends with benefits the 2020 version of relationship? But how can you have that type of friendship without it becoming complicated? Because every friends with benefit situation I’ve ever been in, I either got hurt or hurt them. Because somebody always catches feelings. And that type of situation is NEVER mutual. Because if it were, it would be actual monogamy. Who’s to say a friends with benefit situation isn’t an actual type of relationship anyway? When they ask you about your day and pay for your dinner on dates. If two people sort of like each other that’s called dating my dears. But keeping it casual, without strings is simple. It’s fun. It’s easy. No drama, or petty arguments. You don’t have to report tha...

Ever feel emotionally maxed out? Like all the hurt you’ve ever felt is bad credit card debt you wish you could just get rid of? Or when you take your trash out to an apartment garbage to find that it’s just full of shit. Standing there with a full bag of shit. Feeling like a total asshole because you either have to take it on a fucking long ass journey to another trash that’s fucking full or leave it on the floor? Like it’s not your fault there was no where else to put it. So you leave it but then…Feel guilty! Feeling like shit all fucking night so you end up going back and putting it back on your damn porch just to smell up your life. Luckily for me I had self garbage pick up.. but man I can totally see that happening to me.  Because let’s face it, I always get the shit end of the stick. My luck has definitely been tarnished. Hell maybe my luck is fake gold at the end of my lives rainbow. (laugh cry emoji). But seriously. Ever feel like you just wanna file emotional bankruptcy? Be...