Friends with Benefits
When did speaking our mind lead to ghosting or even worse, being blocked? When did emotions become so emotionless? When did dating become so unattached? Am I the only one who admires prosperity? Or someone who values realness? Who actually wants something more than just sex? Is friends with benefits the 2020 version of relationship? But how can you have that type of friendship without it becoming complicated? Because every friends with benefit situation I’ve ever been in, I either got hurt or hurt them. Because somebody always catches feelings. And that type of situation is NEVER mutual. Because if it were, it would be actual monogamy. Who’s to say a friends with benefit situation isn’t an actual type of relationship anyway? When they ask you about your day and pay for your dinner on dates. If two people sort of like each other that’s called dating my dears. But keeping it casual, without strings is simple. It’s fun. It’s easy. No drama, or petty arguments. You don’t have to report that you made it anywhere safely. Or feel the need to invite them to events. You get to reap all the benefits without any actual commitment. Kind of like taking a car for a test drive. It’s not yours. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride, roll down the windows and cruise peacefully. Even if it’s only for a short time. Why do the issues arise once someone wants to buy? Because this ride may not want to be purchased. So you have to communicate and then decide whether or not to vacate. Making it a complication to this simple yet casual state of affairs.
But I will always say communication is key. As long as both parties are aware of the case then there shouldn’t be a problem. Hell, as long as you are honest about what you want then there should never be a problem. But there are ALWAYS problems when it comes to sex. You know they don’t have Planned Parenthood for no reason. But that’s not the only problem. The problem is when they are attractive, and kind, and god meet all of your standards, that only makes this casual fun fling a LIKABLE one. And god forbid the person you are just fucking be likable. I mean in my world that’s the only way they are going to get anything from me. BY BEING FUCKING LIKABLE. But the issue is by placing terms on this type of friendship, it creates doom from the get-go. Why rule something out from the start? Doesn’t that take the excitement out of it? And if friends with benefits is supposed to be fun, creating rules and terms takes away all of it. So therefore you’ve already ended it before anything could ever begin. Which in turn, adds to this pile of doom. And before you know it, that pile of doom that might have been fun for a while becomes a huge fucking mess because friends with benefits or not, we are human. And humans are made to be affectionate. We get comfortable with the talking, and the sex even if it is mindless. Shit, it takes us women a while just to adjust to a new dick. So if the same dude is getting up close and personal with me consistently, I couldn’t rule anything out. Like how can you not? How do you turn off the like button? Because in that case maybe you should’ve ran the moment you admired them. But maybe some of us are okay with simple. Hell, maybe that’s what I need after years of serious. But it still shouldn’t make things awkward. Why are we so damn driven towards what’s next? Why do we always have to have a map just to know where we are going? Can’t we just enjoy the fucking ride? Why can’t easy just be easy. Why do we always fuck it up?
I’ll tell you why. We fuck it up by being to needy. Or by asking for to much. By not being caring enough. Or not being sympathetic when their cat dies. Seriously, friends with benefits isn’t a booty call. Don’t get that shit twisted. It’s a friendship. A mutual agreement that you just don’t want commitment. But that’s the fucking issue. Commitment or not, a friendship is a relationship. Sex just makes that friendship complicated. There is a reason we don’t fuck all our friends. So how the fuck does the term friends with benefits even exist? I think hurt people hurt people. So they found a way to avoid all the hurt by reaping just the benefits of a relationship, without actually being in one. And I’ve been there. Shit, I’ve been so heart broken that I couldn’t even fathom being with anyone else. You know what I did? I stayed the fuck home. I DIDN’T date and healed by working on myself. I didn’t lure some innocent bystander onto my rigid path. But man sometimes we just need a hot rebound to distract us from the hurt. I’ve been there too. But we fucking know when we are ready to start seeing someone else. And shit doesn’t happen for no reason. I believe when we meet people we cross paths for a reason. Doesn’t mean it has to be serious. Especially if its relevant and mature. There’s nothing wrong with exploring. How else will you ever know what you want if you don’t try it? I think that’s where people get all mixed in their emotions. But friends with benefits, shouldn’t involve too many of those. The good kind yes of course. But the second things get awkward, it’s not a breakup if you decide your done. Hell, even if you end up hurt, at least you did something you enjoyed for once. That’s a part of life. Not all risks have rewards. Nothing is guaranteed. Life throws out some shit. It’s a part of the process. So fuck it. Do whatever makes you feel alive. Even if it breaks your heart, you’ll be happy that you tried.
I think my issue is that I’m a sweet girl. So every dude I show any interest in seems to think that I’m in love with them. Maybe because I’m a good girl so of course they would think that. But I also am no pushover. I’m not here to let someone take and take. I did that shit in an actual relationship. Won’t do that again in or out of one. I’m just a simple girl that enjoys fun. So friends with benefits with me would be spending time, going places, and enjoying the sexy benefits. I one hundred percent believe that’s possible without the serious crap. But when we over think and let so many peoples perceptions get in the way, it ruins it. Because so many people are driven by what’s next. And that’s okay. I myself have things I want to accomplish before I ever settle again. But easy doesn’t have to be sleazy. It can be whatever you want it to be, as long as you both agree, I see nothing wrong with it.
I do however, get tired of being the in between girl. When I actually do fall for a dude. I’m the one who either sends him off to marriage or back to his ex. Feeling like good luck Chuck in the matter. Like really date me and I guarantee you will either find your holy matrimony, or sprint straight back to your ex. But why is that? Is it because I’m emotionally unavailable? And we are what we attract? Totally! Because I know that I’m a catch. But all I do is throw em back. You know the ones that want to take what I give and not give anything back. Sometimes I think it’s because I’m passive and go with the flow. I’m not a dictator or some controlling woman who tells men, or anyone for that matter what to do. So is being a chill, go with the flow person the reason why I am single? Fuck no. I am single because I want to be single. Maybe I haven’t met what I’m looking for. Maybe I enjoy taking things slow. Maybe I just want to have fun and enjoy the right now. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and never settling for less. And maybe it is because every time I put my heart on the line, it got tangled up in it. Being scorned makes you never wanna go back to the torch.
So until someone fucking deserving of this beautiful heart actually shows me they are worth it, this heart is dormant. And that’s my choice.
Besides, I’ve already had the marriage and the kids. So I have no time stamp on my happily ever after. So keeping things simple is a good thing for me. Yea I do get tired of the mindless bullshit. Like if you wanna be in my bad ass energy and vibe space, be a fucking decent human. I’m not going to respond to those “u up” texts. Serious or not that shit is unattractive. And god forbid I’d ever want to be anywhere with anyone that’s not that. Maybe right now I’m just kind of there. Enjoying and accepting whatever life sends my way. Whether it’s a goodtime, or an episode of emotions due to red wine, Virgin River, PMS and guy friends getting into my head. But hey, I’m still hopeful. I truly believe that there is someone out there who will want to venture off into the deep with me someday. We just have to stop believing that the meaningless has meaning. And start taking people at face value. Because, “what’s meant for us will find us.” My good girlfriend said that perfectly. It’s going to keep not working out until it does workout. And then one day everything will make sense. So until then, I’m going to keep living my life, one wild and random adventure after another. Because after all, the one who can tame me is going to be even sexier than the pretty ones who could not.
Written by: Epiphany Tiffany