Epiphany Tiffany

"Don't waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden, and the butterflies will come." -Mario Quintana That first time feeling. The excitement. The send me to heaven with that smile. The feeling inside you get when you receive a text or call from them. That giddy, young feeling that we want to feel all the time. It's instant attraction, plus the unknown. The mystery of whats to come next. This is the feeling we want to keep, so why does it go away?  What is so damn good about these butterflies anyway? Because we all know it fades. Or does it if we are with the right one, will those butterflies stay? I'd like to hope so. But all I've witnessed is break ups, divorces, and hurtful heartbreaks all because of those damn butterflies. So it had me thinking. Maybe if we stop allowing the instant gratifications to lead to our choices, we would be able to find something more enduring. Maybe if we actually allowed ourselves time to chase our own dreams to build ou...

I wish you would’ve just told me the hurtful truth. Instead of leaving my heart left to assume. With everything else that happened, it’s fair to say that my heart had been through enough. So I expected there to be solid hope for the both of us. I even waited for you to come back. And prayed for you. Because of the common decency that you lacked. As I held on to the idea of what we could have. Believing with my entire being that we could triumph anything bad. Because the truth is, we already have. But history always repeats itself, I should have known that. Maybe I wouldn’t have fed the image of hope inside of my mind. If you would have been able to tell me that you weren’t coming back to me this time. Or maybe the words you whispered before you left eased my broken smile. As my heart shattered into a million pieces, your hopeful words made the heartbreak worthwhile. And I believed that you meant it. Even though it was the first and last time you ever said it. Making my heart launch ...

It replenishes precarious feelings with lonely voids. As I look everywhere just to hear your caring voice. Lacking essential nutrients that my heart needs to breathe. Weighing heavy on my lungs but I still somehow find relief. Because my vitals are fine. But the lack of physical touch averts me from being divine. Shedding pounds cause I don’t really want to eat. Cause they say when you’re really happy you gain extra weight. Then there's the ones that step up to the plate. But strike out because they only make themselves seem great. And seeming and seeing are easily mistaken differences. Only causing another round of holistic healing treatments. Being strong and beautiful is a misleading facade. Because people assume you will be okay so they can easily move on. Keeping their feelings nonchalantly withheld. Leaving you to find the remedy all by yourself. But that creates false wounds. Tricking my mind to believe that my heart has been bruised. ...

I look up at the blue sky, It reminds me of your eyes.  The imagery of your eyes reminds me of your true spoken beautiful lies. Those lies awaken my memory to all the reasons why. Why you left. How bad it hurt. But how I am able to look back and not feel it anymore. Because when I look at the street it points out that I moved on. Like the bus route that comes and the next minute it's gone. The red light alerts my attention that I am aching for something greater than us. And as much as I didn’t want to believe this. You're my first love facade. But like the baby bird looks back at its mom as it flies out of its nest, Not knowing it will be the last look she’s ever going to get.  It is bittersweet. I wanted to hold on to the grief, but couldn't help the grin that shined straight through my teeth. Telling the entire world that I'm happy with a colossal smile. Because that’s really the only proof in this lif...

When your thoughts are louder than the music you blare to erase their existence.  But nothing can tune out the beaming speculation that exhibits the what ifs.  But the imprint that made my heart believe in a myth. Only reminds me now not to tamper with anything like it.  But of course I did. Cause here I am. Looking into the eyes of a stranger just to feel something again.  That still won’t replace the facts.  Whether or not we moved on and stopped looking back.  Because the past still haunts you when you go out for a run. And the ghosts follow you around as butterflies just to remind you who won.  That effervescent beauty will always stab the weakest hearts. It’ll take what’s left of it out like frozen meat from a freezer and rip it apart. Feeding your soul the scraps while it remains locked up inside of its cage.  That you got trapped into cause you believed with your whole heart it was safe.  But I wil...

A simple childhood game, Cautiously whispers the sound of danger as you summon me to play.  The invisible rope commences this war. I’ll grab one end, the other is yours. Your self-assured confidence pulls the rope with a strong clench. Chills tingle down my neck with each word you elect. "It’s nice to finally see you again." But we're just friends. Here on this crowded beach for the weekend. Despite your erotic perception that captivates my deceptions. I marvel at the thoughts discreetly and I imagine it. We’ll sit on wooden bar stools inside The Hideaway Cafe.  You'll get up to order both of us the same drink.  I’ll watch you  high five the bartender before you come back and take a seat.  I’ll sit and observe our similarities. How we’re both dominant and free spirited.  Or how  you laugh while you talk, While we watch the kids flying through pennies inside the arcade on the boardwalk.  I preserve composure gripping my ulte...

Did you know that all women and men are STILL involved in human slavery today? Yet we are so focused on things that happened centuries ago? And is there anyone still alive today that can justify to being a slave? The answer is yes. They are the ones being sold into sex slavery and human trafficking in the black market. This is still happening, yet we aren’t focused on that. Society isn’t focused on the actual people causing the damage because unfortunately, they do fall through the cracks. Thanks to a world becoming more corrupt causing higher demands and less justification. But God knows. I’d be more afraid of my mercy alone if I were the one behind these terrible acts that are happening. But somehow everyone is blaming everyone at this point. Hate is hate. If we focus on every single ounce of bad then bad will keep happening. How can we be kind to one another if we keep spreading hate, anger, hurt, and pain. These negatives will always exist. We cannot control that one bit, the ...

We grow up learning from the moment we are born. Like how to walk, how to tie our shoes, how to do certain things. Learning actions before emotions and feelings. So when we fall down and get hurt and cry in grade school, the nurse tells us to put a band-aid on it and go back to class. No one asks our feelings behind the hurt, learning to hide the emotions we are feeling. That can make any kid feel like feeling is wrong. But it carries on in our childhood. We learn how to evolve based on everyone around us. Going with the grade curve of our peers is what makes us acceptable to society. When really, if that vast majority of our peers are doing drugs, getting drunk and fucked, well then that's what we should all be doing according to society right? Not this girl. But when you are different, you stand out and people treat you differently because you don't fit in. So a young kid that doesn't really know any better will try to blend in just to fit into that mold. This is when w...

"When you're on your path, life conspires for you, not against you." Brene Brown. This is one of my top ten favorite quotes. Because in life there are so many things that conspire for us, and against us. Yet we only seem to gravitate towards what we want in our lives, not what life brings us. So we go against our fate forcing our own way based off of our very own emotions, verses patiently waiting for life to bring us what we are meant for. Gosh, I can't count how many times I ended up hurt because life just wasn't on my side of the spectrum when it came to my wants. But turns out, I only ended up hurt by conspiring against what life had planned for me. So it had me thinking...What's wrong with being patient? For taking a deep inhale to exhale out all of the toxic things in my life that don't conspire for me? What if we could throw out our very own expectations of what we think is meant to be for us, and just let life happen exactly how it should be? To ...

"Love is your addiction to an eternal longing for someone, but a thirst which one cannot quench." -Unknown You ask me if I can love you forever. But yet I don't quite know the answer. And that is okay. Not knowing doesn't mean that I don't love you that kind of way. Because forever isn't given. It's something hard work earns. And months together won't grant us what we believe we both deserve. Take it from me. I've learned that along time ago. When he and I both made a promise with that hopeless F word. But people change and hearts grow apart. Life makes love tough. Especially when someone doesn't quite love the other one enough. Or even worse, treats it like an addiction.  Not being able to find any satisfaction with what the other one gives. Cause if two lovers aren't on the same page.  Well, I'd hate to be the one to say that I told you that it would end up this way.  But I do understand when you say that you love m...