Traumas Anniversary

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“The thing about writing is..it lets you hold on to things you lost” - Lonely Planet 


How did I get so swept away.

When today I’m mad 

That I ever let you in.

I’m totally embarrassed,

To call you my ex.

I wish we never met.

But that would be a lie

If I ever had to admit.


You had my heart in your hands.

Then fumbled it,

Like every other coward fucking man. 

Not knowing what to do 

With a diamond.


It’s not my fault.

My decency attracts people,

Who tell me they love me.

Then turn around 

and fucking break me.

Til I’m,

Crying and screaming.

Begging them not to leave me.


Maybe I’m only thinking these things 

Cause it’s traumas anniversary.

What the fuck happened to me.

Am I the problem 

For loving solidly.

Seeing their flaws,

And kissing their scars

While they sleep,

Peacefully next to me. 


Is it my fault for diving deep.

Cause I’m not afraid to swim or sink.

I’m just tired of drowning.

Always the one rescuing.

Cause I don’t need someone 

to rescue me.


I just want to come home on a Friday,

And relax in peace.

Cook a beautiful dinner,

That we both fucking eat.

Watch a movie, 

Make love then fall sleep.

I’m tired of crying,

I’m tired of not feeling at ease.

My heart can’t handle 

Another beating.


I’m tired of tasting my tears.

I’m tired of falling in love,

With those who force me 

To face my biggest fears. 

That isn’t love.

It’s a fucking nightmare.


But there was a moment in time,

We both wanted the same things.

But a year ago,

You relapsed,

Mentally leaving me.

While I stuck it out,

Forty three weeks.

Just to watch someone I love,

Become someone I hate. 

Drag me through hell,

Then fucking cheat.


What’s fucked is,

I don’t have the heart 

To truly hate you. 

Some days are hard,

But I face it ‘til,

I make it through. 

When I’m feeling sad,

I put on your clothes.

To feel close to you. 


Not cause I miss you,

Or want you back.

I miss the version of you,

That I used to have. 

But that man’s already,

Been laid to rest.

So when the waves hit,

I let them crash.


The tears wash away 

The sadness.

Then I’m faced with 

Clarity.

Honey you’re healing.

It’s okay to feel everything.

That arises.

On traumas anniversary. 

10/20/23. 




Written by Epiphany Tiffany 

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