Twenty Nineteen

Camera roll,
Scrolling through the memories.
Of pictures telling love spoken trilogies.
Me photographed so happily.
Way before the tragedies. 

His T-shirt on me 

in good night selfies.
Way too much avocado toast, 

Starbucks and green smoothies.
Weekend getaways, mango salsa, 

singing our favorite melodies.
Silly face in a video of me holding hostage 

of his favorite ice cream. 

All the gifts that he bought for me.
A drawer in my room 

filled with his things. 
A birthday bouquet on my kitchen table.
That he sent with love to me. 
His smile did it all for me.
A halo around the moon,
Drunk on love and vodka cranberries.

I even purchased coordinates of a star,
That was ours.
Because he was my galaxy.
But our dreams came crashing down,
When an asteroid ripped a hole through me.

Happily ever after changed so drastically.
Screenshots of old texts 

still sting as I re-read.
Those empty promises,

That made my gut wrench with anxiety.

That bitterness really took ahold of me.
Mean texts and rebound sex.
Living so hot and angrily. 
Taylor Swifts new album 

Lover playing on repeat.
Googling,
Can you die from a broken heart?
Because I really thought it was slowly killing me.

Thought I was ready for another 

but man he really put a number on me.
Brought all the hurt back up 

I buried deep.
Crystals brought me tranquility.
Therapy made me face 

what was really going on inside of me.

Now I’m healing wounds 

instead of drinking heavily.
That holes a-lot smaller now 

but sometimes it still grieves in me.
Seeing myself so in love 

made me keep reanalyzing things. 

Maybe who I really miss is me. 
So I gotta stop fucking feeling guilty.
She might’ve been happy in 2019.
But look at you now, 
Your best life is just beginning. 


Written by Epiphany Tiffany.