Attractions of an Empath.
“Don’t tell me you were the one that got away when you were the one that left.” -Empath to Narcissist
What is it about being drawn towards what isn’t good for us? Like hey, I’m beautiful, funny, kind and sweet with a heart made of gold, but I only gravitate towards assholes? Like the toxic and uncommittable, with a million different traits as to why I should run far far away from them. What’s with this unhealthy love triangle we keep trying to swing on anyway? Because solid swing sets aren’t shaped that way, they’re just safe. But I guess if you are looking for a love obstacle course of never ending hula-hoops to sweat through, be my guest on those conquests. Yet oddly, the empath attracts the psychopath, sociopath and infamous narcissist. But why my beautiful caring darling? Are we genuinely blind? Or are we just trying to convert the dissuaded? Because as someone who truly cares about all human beings as an empath, that would be the ideal hypothesis of the matter here. But it’s so much deeper than that. The reasons as to why we attract these egoists is merely because of the fact that we care. But why do we care? And how is it absolutely fucking possible that we can care for someone who only truly cares about thy self?
The answer is simple. We WANT to get them to care, because we care. We truly believe with our entire being that if we can fully nourish someone else, that eventually, we can get these gasbags to care about something other than themselves, or for us for that matter. But the truth is logically realistic. Deep down they just don’t care about us, that's it. Them not caring about anything is just an excuse WE make to somehow believe that if they don’t care for us, then they must not care about anyone or anything. Because we can't fathom the thought of that. But that isn’t true. Even narcissists care about something. And just because it isn’t you doesn’t mean that they are careless. Ouch. That stings don’t it? But it's so true. Because as humans the second someone shows a lack of interest it automatically spikes ours. Especially narcissists. Was Tom and Jerry really THAT relevant in our past that it made this type of effect on our future? Or are we all looking for a challenge or chase? Or someone to dissuade? But if that’s the case isn’t that wrong? Because as an empath, I don’t judge people. Or make them believe they should believe in something different. But maybe by caring for them we are enabling their bad behaviors without even realizing it. Accepting poor behavior and validating it just because we care can be damaging to ourselves and to them. And this wasn't something that just happened. We developed these traits a long time ago. As kids. Watching our family members care for a jerk up close that should have been cared for from afar. And the patterns continued on and on. Let's be real for a second. We all have that sibling, aunt or uncle that we care about, and every holiday our family enables their unpleasant behavior, simply because they care about them. Gosh did that only teach us growing up to believe this fucked up reality is normal? Or teach them that it's totally okay to be a total ass wagon? Because it's not. And it only evolves into our future.
It evolves with our choices. Like trying to care for broken people. I believe that only molded us into empaths. All that crap we conquered through. The shit storms and tornadoes of cares constructed us to be this way. Because being an empath wasn't something we chose. It was something we learned by not wanting to become those people that hurt us. Aka our jerk family member for example. So we became the opposite by truly caring about all human beings. Which only makes us kind hearted. Which in contrary, gravitates assholes. Aka blood sucking narcissists into our lives. Because, let's face it, every person we let in to our lives matter, that's just who we are. Allowing these careless people to break down our self-worth just by being who we are doesn't seem fair right? But we weren't brought up to astray these type of people from our cares. We believe that we can change the hurt to be happy. To care for them. To love them. Because we do. But we can't without it hurting ourselves. Someone wise once told me, "Tiffany, you cannot fix a broken man." And those words hit me to the core because I always felt and believed with my entire being that I could by caring for them. Maybe that's the empath inside of me speaking to my inner core as I am human. But I also believe that souls counteract with another. The word resilience speaks to me here. Because I feel sometimes when we meet people we mirror off of them. So what we see isn't the good inside of them. It's the good inside of ourselves reflecting off of them because they aren't capable of absorbing in our generosity. They are only capable of taking it away from us. That can be damaging to ourselves. Because we see this person and their choices aren't resembling ours, only mimicking them. Although we see something, which is only our very own reflection because of the dark tinted windows embodying their soul. We aren't dumb. We clearly see something isn't right here. But we believe that we all go through trials and tribulations because that only makes us human. Which is true, but also an excuse. So even if they are total gas lighting narcissists, somehow we believe they can be better. Because we believe that we can be. So it turns into a softness. Because now, not only are they luring us onto their dark path, they are touching our vulnerability side because we can see something inside of them. Unknowingly of the fact that we are only seeing ourselves. I told you it gets deep.
So why do we allow it?
Because to care, is actually defined as a negative connotation. It mimics worry, anxiety, control, and fear. To care for someone triggers these feelings inside and only makes us apathetic towards ourselves. I’m not saying empathy is necessarily a bad thing at all. But I believe we should be balancing on both sides of the empathetic and apathetic spectrum, for others and for ourselves. Because the famous “they” always say that you got to love yourself before you can truly love another. And I believe there is merit to that. Just like being empathetic. You got to care for yourself fully, before you can care for someone truly. Yet somehow these undeserving mortals slither their schemes into our scenes. And we fall for it. Because we simply value life's encounters with others. That doesn't mean we are blind. It just means we have depth, unlike them.
And why is caring for anyone bad, bad?
It all dwindles down to acceptance. Accepting that a. Narcissistic assholes are real and some care thanks to the empath currently enabling them. Don't be that person, they created block buttons for a reason. And b. If someone doesn't want or like you, that's definitely not a green light to accelerate that 6.2 on. Not everyone is going to appreciate your amazingness, and that's perfectly okay. It's just a part of life, not all humans are made for each other. And c. Move the fuck on with your life so you can find the person that does fit inside of your equation. Someone that truly does want and adore you will show you that they do by being genuine. Nothing like all of those puzzles of questions and rejections that the narcissists put your dear heart and mind through.
Written by: Tiffany Bales.
What is it about being drawn towards what isn’t good for us? Like hey, I’m beautiful, funny, kind and sweet with a heart made of gold, but I only gravitate towards assholes? Like the toxic and uncommittable, with a million different traits as to why I should run far far away from them. What’s with this unhealthy love triangle we keep trying to swing on anyway? Because solid swing sets aren’t shaped that way, they’re just safe. But I guess if you are looking for a love obstacle course of never ending hula-hoops to sweat through, be my guest on those conquests. Yet oddly, the empath attracts the psychopath, sociopath and infamous narcissist. But why my beautiful caring darling? Are we genuinely blind? Or are we just trying to convert the dissuaded? Because as someone who truly cares about all human beings as an empath, that would be the ideal hypothesis of the matter here. But it’s so much deeper than that. The reasons as to why we attract these egoists is merely because of the fact that we care. But why do we care? And how is it absolutely fucking possible that we can care for someone who only truly cares about thy self?
The answer is simple. We WANT to get them to care, because we care. We truly believe with our entire being that if we can fully nourish someone else, that eventually, we can get these gasbags to care about something other than themselves, or for us for that matter. But the truth is logically realistic. Deep down they just don’t care about us, that's it. Them not caring about anything is just an excuse WE make to somehow believe that if they don’t care for us, then they must not care about anyone or anything. Because we can't fathom the thought of that. But that isn’t true. Even narcissists care about something. And just because it isn’t you doesn’t mean that they are careless. Ouch. That stings don’t it? But it's so true. Because as humans the second someone shows a lack of interest it automatically spikes ours. Especially narcissists. Was Tom and Jerry really THAT relevant in our past that it made this type of effect on our future? Or are we all looking for a challenge or chase? Or someone to dissuade? But if that’s the case isn’t that wrong? Because as an empath, I don’t judge people. Or make them believe they should believe in something different. But maybe by caring for them we are enabling their bad behaviors without even realizing it. Accepting poor behavior and validating it just because we care can be damaging to ourselves and to them. And this wasn't something that just happened. We developed these traits a long time ago. As kids. Watching our family members care for a jerk up close that should have been cared for from afar. And the patterns continued on and on. Let's be real for a second. We all have that sibling, aunt or uncle that we care about, and every holiday our family enables their unpleasant behavior, simply because they care about them. Gosh did that only teach us growing up to believe this fucked up reality is normal? Or teach them that it's totally okay to be a total ass wagon? Because it's not. And it only evolves into our future.
It evolves with our choices. Like trying to care for broken people. I believe that only molded us into empaths. All that crap we conquered through. The shit storms and tornadoes of cares constructed us to be this way. Because being an empath wasn't something we chose. It was something we learned by not wanting to become those people that hurt us. Aka our jerk family member for example. So we became the opposite by truly caring about all human beings. Which only makes us kind hearted. Which in contrary, gravitates assholes. Aka blood sucking narcissists into our lives. Because, let's face it, every person we let in to our lives matter, that's just who we are. Allowing these careless people to break down our self-worth just by being who we are doesn't seem fair right? But we weren't brought up to astray these type of people from our cares. We believe that we can change the hurt to be happy. To care for them. To love them. Because we do. But we can't without it hurting ourselves. Someone wise once told me, "Tiffany, you cannot fix a broken man." And those words hit me to the core because I always felt and believed with my entire being that I could by caring for them. Maybe that's the empath inside of me speaking to my inner core as I am human. But I also believe that souls counteract with another. The word resilience speaks to me here. Because I feel sometimes when we meet people we mirror off of them. So what we see isn't the good inside of them. It's the good inside of ourselves reflecting off of them because they aren't capable of absorbing in our generosity. They are only capable of taking it away from us. That can be damaging to ourselves. Because we see this person and their choices aren't resembling ours, only mimicking them. Although we see something, which is only our very own reflection because of the dark tinted windows embodying their soul. We aren't dumb. We clearly see something isn't right here. But we believe that we all go through trials and tribulations because that only makes us human. Which is true, but also an excuse. So even if they are total gas lighting narcissists, somehow we believe they can be better. Because we believe that we can be. So it turns into a softness. Because now, not only are they luring us onto their dark path, they are touching our vulnerability side because we can see something inside of them. Unknowingly of the fact that we are only seeing ourselves. I told you it gets deep.
So why do we allow it?
Because to care, is actually defined as a negative connotation. It mimics worry, anxiety, control, and fear. To care for someone triggers these feelings inside and only makes us apathetic towards ourselves. I’m not saying empathy is necessarily a bad thing at all. But I believe we should be balancing on both sides of the empathetic and apathetic spectrum, for others and for ourselves. Because the famous “they” always say that you got to love yourself before you can truly love another. And I believe there is merit to that. Just like being empathetic. You got to care for yourself fully, before you can care for someone truly. Yet somehow these undeserving mortals slither their schemes into our scenes. And we fall for it. Because we simply value life's encounters with others. That doesn't mean we are blind. It just means we have depth, unlike them.
And why is caring for anyone bad, bad?
That should never be a problem right? But it's actually THEIR problem. Not ours. Yet somehow the twisted narcissist makes us believe that our caring for them is wrong. Because we simply care? No. That makes us genuine. We care because we are good people. Not some emotional wellbeing thief looking to steal someone's happiness. That's a narcissists job. They are energy drainers, and merely want to be validated by everyone and thing because they believe they are built to make you feel bad for anything and everything that isn't what THEY want. And one of those things my darling, is you. They don't want you. They want what you bring to the table. They want to feel and they want to care. That's the only reason why they attracted you. That's why I can't say narcissists don't care. They use empaths just to show that they do. And they will keep preying on empaths as long as we allow it because of the true fact that we care. It's the vicious game of bait and switch, The Tom and Jerry, Ben and Jerry, and the famous catch and release. ALL BECAUSE THEY CAN. And why? BECAUSE WE LET THEM.
Sure, maybe we attract them because they have a slight interest in the honorable. They want to be better, to feel something more than the emptiness they hold dear. But we need to remember that people like that do not have a change of heart, and we sure as hell cannot make them change. All we can do is show them the heart that we have, and hope that somehow we made some type of influence on them for goods sake. I believe that every path crosses for a reason, even the empaths and narcissists. Because good attracts bad the same way day attracts night. We need each other to solve problems and to raise consciousness. Because as empaths we'd forget that there is damaging sources out there if all we ever cared for was the good. We need these narcissists aka "reminders" to teach us to make better choices. To grow and find better. To remind us that we deserve better. That only makes us stronger in the end. Because we can break into a million pieces and still somehow put them back together. Those broken pieces of the uninterested, broken souls that aren't ours, aren't our responsibility to fix. Yes, I myself have loved a few narcissists in my day. Learning to care for some of them from afar, because loving them only destructed myself. But breaking down my walls and offering a place to stay is who I am and will always be. The narcissists only remind me to lock the doors. To put up cameras and a damn good alarm system to deter them away from my sacred land. My prairie will attract liars, jokers, and thieves because of its value. But I know better now than to ever let them get close to knocking on my door. For when they do, the alarms will proceed to go off, just like the red flags are there for us. We just have to remember the warnings and what they portray themselves to be. And care for them in a kind way. FROM AFAR.
But the truth of the matter here is one simple fact. The narcissist simply attracts the empath because in all reality they want to drag us down with them. Empaths aren't trying to convert the dissuaded by caring for broken souls. We care for every soul with no motives behind our actions. But the narcissists will drag us through the mud long enough with them, that we end up just like them. We'll stop caring about the good and become someone that we don't recognize inside of ourselves, all because they reflected off of us. That's their purpose. Not the other way around. Don't let someone who doesn't care about you do that to you. You deserve the world and have such a big caring heart that needs to be protected from the thieves that want to steal it, empath or not. They aren't taking your love to love you, or to hold you or cherish you. It's simply, to destroy you. All because you care, and all because they can. But my darling your kindness is rare. Keep your heart for the good and stop being fooled by the bad. And if you must care, care from a distance. Pray that they find what they need to surpass the brokenness that triumphs them. It's not your responsibility to fix what's broken. Unless it's a 6.2 engine with 420hp. Now that's worth fixing. Don't be distraught by what isn't good for you by forcing it to stay in your life because you care, let it go for your own sanity and self-righteousness. And be thankful that you did, because you still have your heart and soul that truly cares. And one day you'll meet someone worth giving it too.
Sure, maybe we attract them because they have a slight interest in the honorable. They want to be better, to feel something more than the emptiness they hold dear. But we need to remember that people like that do not have a change of heart, and we sure as hell cannot make them change. All we can do is show them the heart that we have, and hope that somehow we made some type of influence on them for goods sake. I believe that every path crosses for a reason, even the empaths and narcissists. Because good attracts bad the same way day attracts night. We need each other to solve problems and to raise consciousness. Because as empaths we'd forget that there is damaging sources out there if all we ever cared for was the good. We need these narcissists aka "reminders" to teach us to make better choices. To grow and find better. To remind us that we deserve better. That only makes us stronger in the end. Because we can break into a million pieces and still somehow put them back together. Those broken pieces of the uninterested, broken souls that aren't ours, aren't our responsibility to fix. Yes, I myself have loved a few narcissists in my day. Learning to care for some of them from afar, because loving them only destructed myself. But breaking down my walls and offering a place to stay is who I am and will always be. The narcissists only remind me to lock the doors. To put up cameras and a damn good alarm system to deter them away from my sacred land. My prairie will attract liars, jokers, and thieves because of its value. But I know better now than to ever let them get close to knocking on my door. For when they do, the alarms will proceed to go off, just like the red flags are there for us. We just have to remember the warnings and what they portray themselves to be. And care for them in a kind way. FROM AFAR.
But the truth of the matter here is one simple fact. The narcissist simply attracts the empath because in all reality they want to drag us down with them. Empaths aren't trying to convert the dissuaded by caring for broken souls. We care for every soul with no motives behind our actions. But the narcissists will drag us through the mud long enough with them, that we end up just like them. We'll stop caring about the good and become someone that we don't recognize inside of ourselves, all because they reflected off of us. That's their purpose. Not the other way around. Don't let someone who doesn't care about you do that to you. You deserve the world and have such a big caring heart that needs to be protected from the thieves that want to steal it, empath or not. They aren't taking your love to love you, or to hold you or cherish you. It's simply, to destroy you. All because you care, and all because they can. But my darling your kindness is rare. Keep your heart for the good and stop being fooled by the bad. And if you must care, care from a distance. Pray that they find what they need to surpass the brokenness that triumphs them. It's not your responsibility to fix what's broken. Unless it's a 6.2 engine with 420hp. Now that's worth fixing. Don't be distraught by what isn't good for you by forcing it to stay in your life because you care, let it go for your own sanity and self-righteousness. And be thankful that you did, because you still have your heart and soul that truly cares. And one day you'll meet someone worth giving it too.
It all dwindles down to acceptance. Accepting that a. Narcissistic assholes are real and some care thanks to the empath currently enabling them. Don't be that person, they created block buttons for a reason. And b. If someone doesn't want or like you, that's definitely not a green light to accelerate that 6.2 on. Not everyone is going to appreciate your amazingness, and that's perfectly okay. It's just a part of life, not all humans are made for each other. And c. Move the fuck on with your life so you can find the person that does fit inside of your equation. Someone that truly does want and adore you will show you that they do by being genuine. Nothing like all of those puzzles of questions and rejections that the narcissists put your dear heart and mind through.
Written by: Tiffany Bales.