More than Subconsciously- Poem.

More than subconsciously.

Because my heart likes to keep reminding me.

As I drive for miles 

looking for something to distract these things.

But it's a simple fucking candles scent 

that elicits your memory. 

Transporting me back into my old place.
To all of the moments 

that are now flushed down lifes metaphorical drain.

Maybe it was the time of year,

or the warmth of the flame.
Like the warmth of your smile,

that used to brighten those days. 
When I felt securely insecure.
Honestly speaking,
You’re the only true love 

I've ever felt, whom I let disappear.
So, remembering you 

triggers infinite tears.
Because after all that’s happened,
A minor piece of me, 

still wishes you were here.

But life doesn’t work like that.

I can’t hold on to something 

that keeps hauling me back.
Circling never ending tracks.
That leads nowhere else 

but back to the past.

But I do keep the visions of you 

wholesome so I’ll have something to smile at.
When random things lead my conscious 

on a heart wrenching backtrack.

By framing the good moments 

and images inside of my remembrance,         

All of the hurtful things that happened between us 

I let myself forget.

That way it never presses me 

to physically go back.

Unfinished business 

always makes people retract.

And there are no words left between us 

either could say.

Not even now.

So I'll always accept to remember 

instead of wish it away.

That still doesn't mean 

it's never going to rain.

But as my tears fall 

they cleanse your existence out of my brain.

Waking up to a brand new day 

as the memories fade.

Still lingering silently 

Just to remember your name. 

Not as loud as it hurt,

To lose a lover I never wanted to let go.

Or how it left a mournful amount 

of footprints on my God loving soul.
Because it never consumed its existence 

by making my heart into stone. 

So I've got to accept this 

when I'm doing nothing at all.
Or go to unplug a candle warmer 

off of the wall. 
That a dim spark could ignite my conscious 

to remember a time.
That you were more than subconsciously 

living inside of my life.

Written By: Epiphany Tiffany