Self-Less

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are” 

-Theodore Roosevelt 

Sometimes it can be incredibly hard to keep your faith, to let go of your guard and just be humble and kind. Especially when you feel like everyone and thing around you is deliberately trying to drag you down, mentally, physically and emotionally. I think the biggest problem here is that no one is actually TRYING to drag anyone down intentionally, and that’s truly because we are all too caught up in our own lives, beliefs and selfishness to let alone even consider another’s.

But to be Selfless is to let go of that guard, to free your mind from your own wants to be the kind helping hand that someone else can find comfort in. Although, to let go and be free from your own thoughts, wants, needs and desires can be a challenging thing to accomplish within yourself, if you have compassion and care for others you won’t worry so much about your own greediness, because that only carries weight and burden into your own life eventually conveying into another’s.

Compassion is critical and we should care for others just as much as we care for ourselves. And this isn’t a blog about how we should care for ourselves, we should already have self-care that comes first. But I can see how selfish people will say "why worry so much about someone else’s happiness if they aren’t as concerned with our own?" Does it really have to be that way? Do we all have to give and take equally? I don’t believe so. I don’t believe that we should ever expect anything in return for what we give. I actually think the complete opposite, we should all give without expectation, to be selfless. I mean isn’t that what the word "Give" defined means anyways? But, a lot of people who give, and we have all done it before I’m sure, have a tendency to expect the same in return. And life is not a Christmas gift exchange. Giving anything with an expectation is actually a form of selfishness. To give without expectation, just to make someone else happy and to love without condition, well, that’s pure selflessness and it’s truly amazing when you have the capability to do so, it brings you an even better gift in return, an incredible feeling of pure joy. Here’s why.

When you let go of expectations it frees your mind, body, and soul from disappointments. Being selfless, you will find yourself to be happier because you will actually have control over the negative things inside of your mind that tell you to want, need, and to crave those daily temptations that try to get you to be selfish.

So how can you be selfless? And how can letting go actually give you control? Makes no sense right? And how so can you get out of your own desires to become kind and compassionate for other people?

It’s actually not that hard to do, first, you have to have patience, that is key, and developing patience can take a long time, especially if you are a selfish person, but I truly believe that God will guide you if you ask him for it. You just have to have faith, let go and let things be the way that they are supposed to be in your life. I mean I’m not sitting here saying, "okay I’m not going to do a damn thing, I’ll let life control me." Not in anyway, we still have our daily tasks, work, family, and obligations that we need to tackle, but if you want all of those things not to feel like a burden, then you’re going to have to accept what is, and understand that you cannot control what happens, you can only control the way you react to it.

You can control a device, a computer, a toy, and a puppet, but you cannot control other people, and you sure as hell cannot control life.  That’s why it makes no sense sometimes, but you can control your actions, the way you act, and again, react to it. You have the power to control your own emotions, even when life is crashing down, you still have the power to control how you react. Having a positive mindset will help you see that realistically, life isn’t crashing down, it just feels like it. But having the grace to continue, to grow, to learn and to smile through it only shows compassion for yourself and that leads to compassion towards others.

When you are bitter and selfish all it really does is bring more of that into an already selfish place, and all it does is create more bitter and madness inside of your life. I believe we can be better. I know it’s easier to fall into the slumps of negativity when you’re having a rough day, and it continues in your head as little things trigger annoyance that makes you want to be negative and bitter, but remember that you are greater than the challenges you face, and you are better than allowing negativity to take over your thoughts and energy. As long as you can find one positive thought in your mind, you will never succumb to darkness. So it all starts with you, because believe it or not, we all reflect on others, whether it’s positive or negative.

Karma and fate work hand in hand so if you can rely on those along with the grace of god, you won’t have to worry, stress, or even think about control, anger or hurt one bit because the more you try to control things, the more they will control you. Think about it. When you want something so badly, it consumes you, it’s all you think about, and it starts to control you. Letting go is such a hard thing to do, but when you do, you can help others be kind, compassionate and humble just by leading by example. I think we all have it in us to be better, to be the best version of ourselves.  And I truly don’t believe that every single person is selfish and mean. I know there are true mean and evil people out there that do want to ruin our life, don’t get me wrong, I believe that also. But I believe that us normal people that care, sometimes get mistaken for being selfish because we are human, and do stress, and curse, and get tired of doing things for others then falling into a slump thinking, what’s the point, but trust me, there is a point, and even though you aren’t seeing it now, you will one day. And when you do, you’ve already made a difference in someone else’s life. And that is the best gift you can give to anyone. To be selfless and love and care for people, even the ones who you think don’t deserve it, are the ones who need it most. You can impact their lives by making them selfless, and then it’s a chain affect. So think small, aim big, and do the best you can do with what you have. Even if you are hanging by a thread, on one of the most hardest days, showing compassion and grace, reflects off on others. So let go and let life take you where fate says you’re supposed to go, stop holding on to fears, anger, and negativity, let karma deal with that. Pray for strength and grace when it gets tough, God will listen, or just believe in something bigger than yourself if you can’t find yourself to do that. And remember, you are more than what happens to you, and you have the power to make a difference, all by being selfless. And then one day you get lucky and someone else shows you the same compassion towards you that you have shown all this time, and the reflection of it becomes something magnificent.

Written By: Tiffany Bales