Shunned if You Do, Shunned if You Don't.
"Take care of the blood that your love runs through." - Zach Bryan
It’s fucking healthy to have your own identity. But leading your own life means ya got to be unapologetic babe. Fuck everyone else’s opinions. You are your identity. No matter what that shit is.. Hell I don’t care if ya hug trees, kiss quartz, and love Jesus so damn much, that ya post those ridiculous Jesus is coming signs all over the damn highway.. My sarcasm would tell my kids that they are there for warning signs. Like.. if you jump. Jesus is coming.. But seriously.. Maybe they put them there to spread the message to people who need to believe. But that’s forcing their beliefs on every single person on the damn highway. We need to stop forcing our damn opinions and beliefs upon everyone. Dare to be different.. You may end up, shunned. Hell it’s not my place to judge anyone. Even if I do love and believe in Jesus. I still don’t judge myself. So how the fuck would I think it’s okay for anyone to judge me? I think the issue at hand is… THAT PEOPLE WANT TO BE JUDGED…Yes I said it...people want to be judged. Duhhhh…Because they post selfies and reels and want more and more and more fucking likes. Those damn popularity contests go all the way back to middle school. Best eyes, best smile, perfect hair, perfect couple, homecoming queen, king, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera… God, it’s fucking exhausting trying to keep up with those unrealistic expectations society has instilled upon our daily lives. All for a fucking gold star trophy...Does it truly make you feel like the BEST to be better than others if you are merely competing with every fucking body? I’d be more concerned for when my real judgement day comes.. But that’s between me and God himself.. I know who I am at heart. So does he. I truly believe there’s a reason some people sleep better than others at night. Our conscious is already judgy as fuck. Why the hell would we need anyone else to say shit, when we have got no other choice but to live with our damn selves? If only you can cut yourself in half. Keep the side with the angel on your shoulder and throw out the bad half. Look, we are all a mix of good and bad, but our true identity is who we are when no one is watching. We already know who we are. It's why people project, why thieves love theft, or even worse, how good loving hearts get bankrupt.
Sure, I am no saint.. But do I have a pure heart, fuck yes I do... If you ask someone for a reference, they may not all be able to back that fact up...And of course people lie, but character does not. Hell, I know I have made mistakes, we all have. Maybe they will say I hurt them, I’m not vain. I’m sure I have broken a few hearts in my day, but that is nothing to brag about. I hate having to be that person, but I will always be honest. I will always speak the hard truth verses settle in a toxic environment just for my own selfish reasons. I've learned that in life. Of course, I have had times where I stayed longer than I wanted just to keep the peace, or because I was not one hundred percent sure what I even wanted. Time reveals the answers and patience speaks volumes, especially when things aren't clear. Do I owe anyone an explanation? Of course those affected by my choices. But no one gets to make my decisions for me, unless I am on fucking life support.. So be very careful who you give those rights to. Of course I have from time to time, not put my best foot forward. For fucks sake, life is messy. Perfection is not something I would even try to compete with. Some may not agree with my choices. That’s okay. Do I make things right.. I will always try. But I am not a door mat. I will say fuck as much as my big heart fucking desires. I will scream for my team, and always be half hood half holy. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, so don’t drink it if you choose, I'll still be me. People who are meant for me will stick with me, even if it’s been a few weeks (or years) and haven’t heard from me. Life is hella busy. I have some friends and family that I’ve had in my life for decades that I don’t even see. We always find a way back to each other when we can, it's just a mutual understanding that I call love and let live.
Think of it this way. I’m not one to force my kindness on people, the way subjective people force their loud opinions on me. But I smile at everyone regardless, I am nice. If people don't admire kindness, I don't get offended by it. I know when to stay quiet to save face. I am not an idiot. But I sure as hell will not allow disrespect to my hearts choices and decisions. I will always follow my heart. That’s who Tiff is. Even if my heart leads me somewhere dark. I’m a big girl. I go to the emergency kit and find the fucking flashlight. This ain't my first rodeo. And it sure as hell ain't my last. Give me dust and I’ll make glitter. But remember, I am fucking human at the end of the day.. not a fairy. Although if life were Trueblood, I'd totally be Sookie Stackhouse. Have I been through crap. Not exactly like Sookie, but we all have been bitten by a metaphorical vampire life and it's fucked up catastrophes.
But as we spiral through our trauma hurricanes, why do I feel like more people want to judge what the fuck we are going to do then? Like befriend me when tides are high and life is divine, so you could watch me get thrashed by a tidal wave and tell me what to do then...I’d like to see them go through the same shit and accept their own harsh recommendations. I’ve dealt with a lot of grief in my life. Deaths and real fucking trauma that I don't like to gossip about. I'm a fucking normal person that doesn't want to bury anyone with my burdens. Do I have hard fucking moments when I just need to vent, of course. But I don't expect anyone to have all the answers on how I need to cope. My motto is more like, "Face it till you make it." And time heals most wounds. When going through it, all we really need is someone to sit with. Like don't judge me, just love me. No one really knows what to say when someone dies anyway. All those "praying for yous" and "my condolences" are generic things people say because there are no words that are going to make you feel any better. SOMEONE DIED. Nothing is going to bring that loved one back. From my experience, there's a reason why they say "moment of silence." Because that's what we really fucking need in the midst of all the loud opinions from everyone who thinks they need to step up to bat with those "They are in a better place" fucking jabs. I’d still never discredit your trauma and pain just to pawn my advice for spare fucking change. If anything, I’ve learned the only thing I need is grace. Not a fucking grace period. Don’t put a timestamp allotting my fucking grief. Some shit we may never fully recover from. And that’s perfectly okay.
What happened to compassion, love, peace, and grace? Not grace periods...We may live paycheck to paycheck, but trauma doesn't have planned pay dates. Have we all become a product of our shitty fucking environments? Because someone amazing recently told me, human nature is a product of what we surround ourselves with. If we constantly absorb others opinions, we will start to believe that they are our very own. If an apple tree grows in a field of pricky ass cactus’ you better believe that tree will full heartedly think it’s a cactus. It will prick and pry and poke. The cactus will suck the apples out of it. So the delicious apple tree will never thrive to its fullest potential. Until one day, the apple tree realizes it's not a fucking cactus, and somehow everything begins to makes sense. It finally finds a way to re-root itself into the field it belongs. Where it can be itself amongst the other apple trees. The cactus aren’t going to be fucking happy. They just lost their sweet FUCKING apples. But you know what. The apple was never made to feed them. It was there to learn and love the cactus, regardless of their harsh environment...JUST TO SELFLESSLY UNDERSTAND THEM. That's human nature. We are all taught what we are taught until we begin to question who we are. Then it's your choice to decide who you want to be. Cause at the end of the day, most people will only absorb the nutrients that cater to their lifestyle. If you are the definition of selfish, you will only absorb your feelings. If you are selfless, you will absorb others opinions. Somewhere in the middle is a good place to be. Because we all think differently. When someone has opposing views, it doesn’t mean you need to write them up and out of your life. Sometimes it’s okay to agree to disagree and continue on your paths. People who truly love and support you will be there regardless. Whether it’s from a distance, or up close. Loved ones should respect your journey, even if they may not understand it. But the difference is, you aren’t asking them to. You may be unconventional, you may be far left, far right, far fetched or even lost. But you aren’t on anyone's leash. You’re just trying to maintain the gravel on the path you're on, while life steers the wheel.
Condemn me for choosing to prioritize my hearts desires over being there for people who have no problem opposing their unasked for two cents. Sometimes when people throw it’s because I cares, at you, it’s them projecting, because I want you to care. But the issue with that is, after so much anguish, and authoritive lash outs, you get fucking burnt out. You get sick of the same toxic trends and tired of being the bigger person. I think that’s when life reminds you to dive inward. You have got to nurture your own heart and mind first and foremost. Self-care is never selfish when life gets too loud to think your own thoughts. How can a selfless being be there for another if they cannot be there for themselves? Goes the same route as how can a selfish being be there for themselves, if all they think about is controlling others. We got to be better. Although, sometimes I feel like I am on another planet. Like maybe I am a total looney bird for being kind hearted. For believing in people who the vast majority would pine off. If someone is different, they must not be human. Shun em'! Just because someone doesn’t fit into society's perfect mold doesn’t mean they don’t deserve compassion, respect, love, and fucking happiness. For Christ sake. I don't intend to sound jaded and pissed off. I'm old. I channel my bitterness without rage. But sometimes, you hit a damn wall and feel defenseless. Honey, you can never make everyone happy, even if your heart longs for it. No matter what, you are shunned if you do, and shunned if you don’t. So you might as well do whatever the fuck you want. You don’t have the power to change the world. However, you do have the power to change yourself.
Written by Epiphany Tiffany.
It’s fucking healthy to have your own identity. But leading your own life means ya got to be unapologetic babe. Fuck everyone else’s opinions. You are your identity. No matter what that shit is.. Hell I don’t care if ya hug trees, kiss quartz, and love Jesus so damn much, that ya post those ridiculous Jesus is coming signs all over the damn highway.. My sarcasm would tell my kids that they are there for warning signs. Like.. if you jump. Jesus is coming.. But seriously.. Maybe they put them there to spread the message to people who need to believe. But that’s forcing their beliefs on every single person on the damn highway. We need to stop forcing our damn opinions and beliefs upon everyone. Dare to be different.. You may end up, shunned. Hell it’s not my place to judge anyone. Even if I do love and believe in Jesus. I still don’t judge myself. So how the fuck would I think it’s okay for anyone to judge me? I think the issue at hand is… THAT PEOPLE WANT TO BE JUDGED…Yes I said it...people want to be judged. Duhhhh…Because they post selfies and reels and want more and more and more fucking likes. Those damn popularity contests go all the way back to middle school. Best eyes, best smile, perfect hair, perfect couple, homecoming queen, king, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera… God, it’s fucking exhausting trying to keep up with those unrealistic expectations society has instilled upon our daily lives. All for a fucking gold star trophy...Does it truly make you feel like the BEST to be better than others if you are merely competing with every fucking body? I’d be more concerned for when my real judgement day comes.. But that’s between me and God himself.. I know who I am at heart. So does he. I truly believe there’s a reason some people sleep better than others at night. Our conscious is already judgy as fuck. Why the hell would we need anyone else to say shit, when we have got no other choice but to live with our damn selves? If only you can cut yourself in half. Keep the side with the angel on your shoulder and throw out the bad half. Look, we are all a mix of good and bad, but our true identity is who we are when no one is watching. We already know who we are. It's why people project, why thieves love theft, or even worse, how good loving hearts get bankrupt.
When did showing up for yourself require another’s authorization? Did relationships evolve into someone having some sort of custodial guardianship over the other? Are we in dire need of care, just because someone cares? Not unless we are minors. Because sadly, you will find yourself alone on your path at some point in life. Other times, you will have an entourage cheering you on down the aisle. Life is life, it will keep on keepin on. It doesn’t stop for any one. Life has no mercy. It is a mix of chaos and beauty, love and sadness, heartbreak and grief. Does that make us truly have to defend our very own honor? Fuck no. No one should have to explain why they make the choices they make. Especially if you are good at heart, nothing you do could be detrimental to your wellbeing. EVEN THEN, no one is perfect. If you want to act like fucking Hitler, because that’s what your pure little evil heart desires, DO YOU COO COO. But best believe I will not be caught anywhere on or near your heinous path. I don’t walk with the wicked. Although have been fooled by false identities in the past. Even amazing people have bad days.. Just like shitty people have good ones.. Don’t be bamboozled by those schemes. I however, trust and believe full heartedly that the good will somehow protect us from the bad. True colors are always revealed. If your intentions are pure, don’t let the intentions of others fog your very own beliefs. When did everyone have so many opinions anyway. I hear it all over social media these days. “If he loves you, he’ll act like this” "If she cares she will do that” IT'S FUCKING EXHAUSTING. No wonder why we fall down that rabbit hole of never ending red flag this, and green flag thats. Everybody over here talking about red flags, when one mans trash is another mans treasure. Hell, a red flag to you, may be a green flag to them. Our perception should never be fogged by another person’s lens. We have to decide what’s best for ourselves. Trust your gut. Trust your instinct. Trust your damn self!
Sure, I am no saint.. But do I have a pure heart, fuck yes I do... If you ask someone for a reference, they may not all be able to back that fact up...And of course people lie, but character does not. Hell, I know I have made mistakes, we all have. Maybe they will say I hurt them, I’m not vain. I’m sure I have broken a few hearts in my day, but that is nothing to brag about. I hate having to be that person, but I will always be honest. I will always speak the hard truth verses settle in a toxic environment just for my own selfish reasons. I've learned that in life. Of course, I have had times where I stayed longer than I wanted just to keep the peace, or because I was not one hundred percent sure what I even wanted. Time reveals the answers and patience speaks volumes, especially when things aren't clear. Do I owe anyone an explanation? Of course those affected by my choices. But no one gets to make my decisions for me, unless I am on fucking life support.. So be very careful who you give those rights to. Of course I have from time to time, not put my best foot forward. For fucks sake, life is messy. Perfection is not something I would even try to compete with. Some may not agree with my choices. That’s okay. Do I make things right.. I will always try. But I am not a door mat. I will say fuck as much as my big heart fucking desires. I will scream for my team, and always be half hood half holy. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, so don’t drink it if you choose, I'll still be me. People who are meant for me will stick with me, even if it’s been a few weeks (or years) and haven’t heard from me. Life is hella busy. I have some friends and family that I’ve had in my life for decades that I don’t even see. We always find a way back to each other when we can, it's just a mutual understanding that I call love and let live.
Does that mean I owe anyone a copy of my road map? Fuck no. Not all roads and rivers are for everyone. Swimming against the current doesn’t make anybody wrong, it makes you different and that’s okay. If you choose to lead your own life there is nothing wrong with that. Hell, even if you let your mommy make all of your decisions for you at forty five years old. DO YOU BOO. Sure, maybe I don’t go with the flow of others. I am building my own empire. Some of us like the road less traveled. Some of us like the scenic view of trials and errors. But we definitely don’t need anyone throwing unnecessary stones. Like those rocky “I told you sos”, or “if you don’t do this, I won’t be there for thats”. Like come on, we all need to grow up and focus inbound on ourselves. Maybe if more of us did that, we wouldn’t be so damn concerned about Bobby Buzz Kill, Perfect Pam, Eddies Spaghetti, or the fucking itty bitty titty committee... Fuck...aren't ya'll tired? I know I am.
Think of it this way. I’m not one to force my kindness on people, the way subjective people force their loud opinions on me. But I smile at everyone regardless, I am nice. If people don't admire kindness, I don't get offended by it. I know when to stay quiet to save face. I am not an idiot. But I sure as hell will not allow disrespect to my hearts choices and decisions. I will always follow my heart. That’s who Tiff is. Even if my heart leads me somewhere dark. I’m a big girl. I go to the emergency kit and find the fucking flashlight. This ain't my first rodeo. And it sure as hell ain't my last. Give me dust and I’ll make glitter. But remember, I am fucking human at the end of the day.. not a fairy. Although if life were Trueblood, I'd totally be Sookie Stackhouse. Have I been through crap. Not exactly like Sookie, but we all have been bitten by a metaphorical vampire life and it's fucked up catastrophes.
But as we spiral through our trauma hurricanes, why do I feel like more people want to judge what the fuck we are going to do then? Like befriend me when tides are high and life is divine, so you could watch me get thrashed by a tidal wave and tell me what to do then...I’d like to see them go through the same shit and accept their own harsh recommendations. I’ve dealt with a lot of grief in my life. Deaths and real fucking trauma that I don't like to gossip about. I'm a fucking normal person that doesn't want to bury anyone with my burdens. Do I have hard fucking moments when I just need to vent, of course. But I don't expect anyone to have all the answers on how I need to cope. My motto is more like, "Face it till you make it." And time heals most wounds. When going through it, all we really need is someone to sit with. Like don't judge me, just love me. No one really knows what to say when someone dies anyway. All those "praying for yous" and "my condolences" are generic things people say because there are no words that are going to make you feel any better. SOMEONE DIED. Nothing is going to bring that loved one back. From my experience, there's a reason why they say "moment of silence." Because that's what we really fucking need in the midst of all the loud opinions from everyone who thinks they need to step up to bat with those "They are in a better place" fucking jabs. I’d still never discredit your trauma and pain just to pawn my advice for spare fucking change. If anything, I’ve learned the only thing I need is grace. Not a fucking grace period. Don’t put a timestamp allotting my fucking grief. Some shit we may never fully recover from. And that’s perfectly okay.
What happened to compassion, love, peace, and grace? Not grace periods...We may live paycheck to paycheck, but trauma doesn't have planned pay dates. Have we all become a product of our shitty fucking environments? Because someone amazing recently told me, human nature is a product of what we surround ourselves with. If we constantly absorb others opinions, we will start to believe that they are our very own. If an apple tree grows in a field of pricky ass cactus’ you better believe that tree will full heartedly think it’s a cactus. It will prick and pry and poke. The cactus will suck the apples out of it. So the delicious apple tree will never thrive to its fullest potential. Until one day, the apple tree realizes it's not a fucking cactus, and somehow everything begins to makes sense. It finally finds a way to re-root itself into the field it belongs. Where it can be itself amongst the other apple trees. The cactus aren’t going to be fucking happy. They just lost their sweet FUCKING apples. But you know what. The apple was never made to feed them. It was there to learn and love the cactus, regardless of their harsh environment...JUST TO SELFLESSLY UNDERSTAND THEM. That's human nature. We are all taught what we are taught until we begin to question who we are. Then it's your choice to decide who you want to be. Cause at the end of the day, most people will only absorb the nutrients that cater to their lifestyle. If you are the definition of selfish, you will only absorb your feelings. If you are selfless, you will absorb others opinions. Somewhere in the middle is a good place to be. Because we all think differently. When someone has opposing views, it doesn’t mean you need to write them up and out of your life. Sometimes it’s okay to agree to disagree and continue on your paths. People who truly love and support you will be there regardless. Whether it’s from a distance, or up close. Loved ones should respect your journey, even if they may not understand it. But the difference is, you aren’t asking them to. You may be unconventional, you may be far left, far right, far fetched or even lost. But you aren’t on anyone's leash. You’re just trying to maintain the gravel on the path you're on, while life steers the wheel.
Condemn me for choosing to prioritize my hearts desires over being there for people who have no problem opposing their unasked for two cents. Sometimes when people throw it’s because I cares, at you, it’s them projecting, because I want you to care. But the issue with that is, after so much anguish, and authoritive lash outs, you get fucking burnt out. You get sick of the same toxic trends and tired of being the bigger person. I think that’s when life reminds you to dive inward. You have got to nurture your own heart and mind first and foremost. Self-care is never selfish when life gets too loud to think your own thoughts. How can a selfless being be there for another if they cannot be there for themselves? Goes the same route as how can a selfish being be there for themselves, if all they think about is controlling others. We got to be better. Although, sometimes I feel like I am on another planet. Like maybe I am a total looney bird for being kind hearted. For believing in people who the vast majority would pine off. If someone is different, they must not be human. Shun em'! Just because someone doesn’t fit into society's perfect mold doesn’t mean they don’t deserve compassion, respect, love, and fucking happiness. For Christ sake. I don't intend to sound jaded and pissed off. I'm old. I channel my bitterness without rage. But sometimes, you hit a damn wall and feel defenseless. Honey, you can never make everyone happy, even if your heart longs for it. No matter what, you are shunned if you do, and shunned if you don’t. So you might as well do whatever the fuck you want. You don’t have the power to change the world. However, you do have the power to change yourself.
Written by Epiphany Tiffany.