Dating Isn't Everything, But You Are.
Is it a something or a nothing?
Those doubtful thoughts that rush over us when we start seeing someone we actually like. But how are we even truly supposed to know whether it will or it won’t? Cause the truth is pretty plain and fucking simple. We don’t. Because putting ourselves out there is a gamble. But it’s also a heck of a lot more than that because it actually makes us brave. By being our true and authentic selves, we are actually able to weed out the people that don’t correlate to us. Which I’d say is a bonus. Not a loss. Because dating isn’t about winning or losing. Hell, dating isn’t even considered a game. It’s more like a bunch of little lessons that guide and build us towards the person that we want to choose. So why do people believe that dating is such an obstacle if the ultimate goal is to find someone that truly gets us? Because although it is hard putting ourselves out there, it’s even harder to trust someone these days. But thanks to all those jokers and ghosters, we learn what we do not want from their actions. Which only makes us wiser and freer. So the problem isn’t dating my dears, the problem is waiting. Cause let’s be real, we all want to race straight to our happy ending because nobody truly wants to be alone. But maybe our hearts are supposed to be single and free for the exact amount of time that they weren't.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely easier to harbor into another relationship because it is comforting. Especially while going through a break up. Because truthfully, we just want someone to vanquish our hurt by rescuing us from it. But the problem with that concept is well, we are placing our happiness into someone else’s hands by relying on them to relieve our sadness. When we should be sitting in our pity. Because sitting in our pity is what we need before we can start climbing up to our victory. But we all do it. Like dating out of our current situational contexts for example. Cause I truly believe we are all just looking for someone to understand us. But that circle will always keep circling, regardless of whatever mess or blessing we are currently living in. Because to correlate in a positive way with someone is the ultimate goal. But people are selfish, rude, and don’t communicate properly these days, so it causes so much bullshit that us normal folk are just sick and tired of. Yet we still hang on by a thread using that last ounce of fury just to hang on longer. While we are still misled by placing our vulnerable selves into another rut. Especially when we are blinded by our heartache with fake happiness. That’ll make any human seek anything comforting. Real or not.
Because sadly, fake happiness is the majority. Look at social media for example. We only post the good things we do. Not the crapshoots. True friends and real loved ones know the hard work and dedication we put into our everyday lives trying to stay afloat, whether or not we are in or outta love. Life has no sympathy. We're all in a jungle trying to survive. But just because you want to change your profile status to anything but single, doesn’t give you the green light to settle for less than what you truly deserve. Because you deserve the world. You deserve someone to notice all the little shit that makes you who you are. Like how you get excited over little things just like children do. Or how you are such a free spirit and aren’t afraid to just be yourself. Like if we aren’t laughing or wrestling under covers, or talking for hours, I don’t want it. You are definitely my kinda vibe if your profile picture would be us making weird silly faces rather than a staged fancy all matchy one. I have little time for bullshit like that.
For me, life is all about the small things. Because those are what actually make the big moments big. Like a first kiss that lead to a life time of them. Or the why not give him a chance that lead to something you never imagined could of been. I think the big moments in life are just like the highlight reels on social media. But all the small intimate ones are what truly matter. That’s why we don’t share them. They are ours to keep private because they are our real moments. They aren’t for everyone. We might never know whether or not a small step can lead to a huge path, or possibly a trip backwards. But we walk by faith because Gods the only way. So hold onto that. Because waiting and praying is a heck of a lot better than being stuck in a dead end of wrong choices. Choices that only lead to fake happiness thanks to rushing. But true happiness takes effort, work, dedication, commitment, sweat, tears, hurt, heartbreak and even trauma. Hell, and even sometimes we just have to be. Even if just being, is with a good friend, a bottle of rum like the pirates, and a wall to post up on. Life storms are inevitable. Heartbreak can still happen to us. We just got to find a way to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Like being our true selves for example. So many people hide inside their comfort with fear that they won't be admired. But the issue with this is, that is the ONLY WAY we are going to find someone that gets us. Because how can we seek someone by half assing our identity? We can't. But I've done both, we all have. I've hid who I was because I was afraid that by being myself, I would scare them off. Or be too much. I mean I know I'm a deserving woman who is kind, lovable, and loving, so why wouldn't I want to show someone who I truly am? But in contrary, I also give too much of myself up front by filling empty nests for people who are undeserving. So I find a happy medium when I am who I am. I do keep my guard up because I believe it's important to protect our hearts and souls from the wicked. But guarding ourselves too much can keep us locked up like Sleeping Beauty. Who was forever waiting for a kiss just to wake the fuck up! Look, a kiss is just a kiss. Why are we so damn afraid to just kiss someone and see where it goes? It should be normalized. But I am also one to get excited when I like someone. Cause finding someone to like is a battle in itself. Then I wanna full throttle straight to the finish line. But I've learned to tell my heart to be still. Because whether or not I like someone, definitely does not give a green light to the situation. It takes two people to mutually coincide to determine that. The best thing you can do when dating is to always speak how you feel and just be yourself. Show off those dumb photos of what you eat, or how amazing church was. Look, if someone doesn't allow you to be you, that's a problem. A no go solid red stop. I mean we learned not to run stop signs in the 10th grade, so why are we still doing it now?
I get it, dating is hard, but it's only hard because we make it that way. Dating isn't everything my darling, but you are. Because you are going to make someone very happy someday. But we need to date to figure out what we want first in order to do that. Like what makes us tick, what draws us in? What qualities do we like in a person and what is important to us. Some say looks, some say vulnerability. I mean it’s truly up to you to decide what is going to keep you happy forever. Because truthfully, a lot of people settle for what makes them happy now. But five, ten, fifteen years in and lost with no direction to go.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely easier to harbor into another relationship because it is comforting. Especially while going through a break up. Because truthfully, we just want someone to vanquish our hurt by rescuing us from it. But the problem with that concept is well, we are placing our happiness into someone else’s hands by relying on them to relieve our sadness. When we should be sitting in our pity. Because sitting in our pity is what we need before we can start climbing up to our victory. But we all do it. Like dating out of our current situational contexts for example. Cause I truly believe we are all just looking for someone to understand us. But that circle will always keep circling, regardless of whatever mess or blessing we are currently living in. Because to correlate in a positive way with someone is the ultimate goal. But people are selfish, rude, and don’t communicate properly these days, so it causes so much bullshit that us normal folk are just sick and tired of. Yet we still hang on by a thread using that last ounce of fury just to hang on longer. While we are still misled by placing our vulnerable selves into another rut. Especially when we are blinded by our heartache with fake happiness. That’ll make any human seek anything comforting. Real or not.
Because sadly, fake happiness is the majority. Look at social media for example. We only post the good things we do. Not the crapshoots. True friends and real loved ones know the hard work and dedication we put into our everyday lives trying to stay afloat, whether or not we are in or outta love. Life has no sympathy. We're all in a jungle trying to survive. But just because you want to change your profile status to anything but single, doesn’t give you the green light to settle for less than what you truly deserve. Because you deserve the world. You deserve someone to notice all the little shit that makes you who you are. Like how you get excited over little things just like children do. Or how you are such a free spirit and aren’t afraid to just be yourself. Like if we aren’t laughing or wrestling under covers, or talking for hours, I don’t want it. You are definitely my kinda vibe if your profile picture would be us making weird silly faces rather than a staged fancy all matchy one. I have little time for bullshit like that.
For me, life is all about the small things. Because those are what actually make the big moments big. Like a first kiss that lead to a life time of them. Or the why not give him a chance that lead to something you never imagined could of been. I think the big moments in life are just like the highlight reels on social media. But all the small intimate ones are what truly matter. That’s why we don’t share them. They are ours to keep private because they are our real moments. They aren’t for everyone. We might never know whether or not a small step can lead to a huge path, or possibly a trip backwards. But we walk by faith because Gods the only way. So hold onto that. Because waiting and praying is a heck of a lot better than being stuck in a dead end of wrong choices. Choices that only lead to fake happiness thanks to rushing. But true happiness takes effort, work, dedication, commitment, sweat, tears, hurt, heartbreak and even trauma. Hell, and even sometimes we just have to be. Even if just being, is with a good friend, a bottle of rum like the pirates, and a wall to post up on. Life storms are inevitable. Heartbreak can still happen to us. We just got to find a way to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Like being our true selves for example. So many people hide inside their comfort with fear that they won't be admired. But the issue with this is, that is the ONLY WAY we are going to find someone that gets us. Because how can we seek someone by half assing our identity? We can't. But I've done both, we all have. I've hid who I was because I was afraid that by being myself, I would scare them off. Or be too much. I mean I know I'm a deserving woman who is kind, lovable, and loving, so why wouldn't I want to show someone who I truly am? But in contrary, I also give too much of myself up front by filling empty nests for people who are undeserving. So I find a happy medium when I am who I am. I do keep my guard up because I believe it's important to protect our hearts and souls from the wicked. But guarding ourselves too much can keep us locked up like Sleeping Beauty. Who was forever waiting for a kiss just to wake the fuck up! Look, a kiss is just a kiss. Why are we so damn afraid to just kiss someone and see where it goes? It should be normalized. But I am also one to get excited when I like someone. Cause finding someone to like is a battle in itself. Then I wanna full throttle straight to the finish line. But I've learned to tell my heart to be still. Because whether or not I like someone, definitely does not give a green light to the situation. It takes two people to mutually coincide to determine that. The best thing you can do when dating is to always speak how you feel and just be yourself. Show off those dumb photos of what you eat, or how amazing church was. Look, if someone doesn't allow you to be you, that's a problem. A no go solid red stop. I mean we learned not to run stop signs in the 10th grade, so why are we still doing it now?
I get it, dating is hard, but it's only hard because we make it that way. Dating isn't everything my darling, but you are. Because you are going to make someone very happy someday. But we need to date to figure out what we want first in order to do that. Like what makes us tick, what draws us in? What qualities do we like in a person and what is important to us. Some say looks, some say vulnerability. I mean it’s truly up to you to decide what is going to keep you happy forever. Because truthfully, a lot of people settle for what makes them happy now. But five, ten, fifteen years in and lost with no direction to go.
Trust me, I know. But after all that time spent finding my way back onto the map, I am content where I am at. Content with no heart strings currently being pulled at in any direction. Because all this time, two years to be exact, I prayed for my heart to be still. Sometimes our prayers aren't answered when we want them to be, they are answered when the timing is meant to be. Just like dating. We don't know if that catch is going to latch on for life, or fight or flight. We just got to trust the process and rely on hope and Gods promises. When we do that, nothing, not even dating someone we like will make us fear the unknown. Like this awakening saying goes, "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." Corrie Ten Boom says it all for me. Because I know that my heart is meant to love. But just because it is not in love doesn't mean it's empty. I love so many people and things that fill my heart with exactly what it needs. It only gives me confidence that when the timing is right, I will feel that giddy, excitement, wanna race straight to the finish line kinda love someday. But I'll be still and allow myself to make sure that it's with someone who I want, who wants me, but also deserves it. Because after all, giving our heart away to someone who will run off with it is dumb. Honey, after all we have conquered through, we are so far from that.
Written by: Epiphany Tiffany
Written by: Epiphany Tiffany