Criticism.

"When it comes to criticism, there's no right or wrong. It's only a conflict between your choices and their judgments." -Tiffany Bales

Have you ever felt upset or even hurt when someone who cares about you totally disagrees with you by criticizing you? Like, you say or do something that you are totally passionate about but get shut down like a twenty-four-hour power outage. And it seems as if that fire inside you is attempting to be put out, but by someone you love. That totally stings right? Yet somehow we do the same thing to others and aren't even realizing it. We are hurting the ones we love with criticism when all we think we are doing is trying to help. So there it is, help; that kind and effortless to the other person word. But there's a fine line between genuinely caring and criticizing. So how far does our willingness to help others end up burning ourselves and others out? Maybe that's the true issue at hand. Maybe trying to help only gets us more frustrated because the ones we are trying to help aren't willing to accept it. Just like criticism. But really how many of us are so welcoming to either of those things anyways? Like you want to help, okay here you go, or yes I totally accept your criticism let me see how you can run my own damn life better than I can. That's the issue at hand. And the problem is, when we are accepting help or criticism, we are only allowing someone else to steer our very own steering wheel. But some of us don't need anyone to do that, because we only learn from our own choices, decisions and actions, even if they're wrong. So at what point should saying “no thank you” truly offend someone? And why are we so sensitive to criticism when it happens to us, because we sure as hell have no problem criticizing someone else. Am I Right? 

Besides is it truly that terrible to run and master our own lives, even if we aren't doing it the way someone else thinks it can be better or even easier for us? And how many of us can truly agree with someone else's disagreement? Especially when it's something we have such a passion for. I could totally see how that can cause a power outage to any relationship. Yet we still push and pry to try to force a disagreeing agreement onto it, piling up problems verses solutions. So at what point does agree to disagree come into play? Because we humans are all different and magnificent in our own way. Some of us are good at one thing while others are better at another. Instead of working as a team to perfect our brightest dreams, we dissent. Why do we do that? Is it control? Trying to hold ourselves to the highest standard by belittling someone else? No, I truly don't believe that, especially if it’s with someone we love. And if you people are doing this to someone purposely then you really do need a reality check. Because that is not okay. But they say we are harder on the ones we love because we believe they can do better, and be better. But is that really our decision anyway? I also think inner pride has a lot to do with it too. And when stubbornness comes into play, well let’s face it, nobody wins. And how can a relationship cause so much friction when it’s supposed to be a team based conjunction? I just don't understand it. But like I always do, I will try too.

Maybe the real issue with criticism is that we think we know, when in reality we really don't. Like how could we truly have someone else's answers, when we don't even have our own shit figured out, yet that gives us a right to criticize theirs?  Maybe some things are easier said to others than done ourselves. I can agree with that. And there really is no such thing as a life exam. So is it truly that bad to not always be right? I mean, how many of you got Ds and C-s on your high school transcript? And because of it, do you really know less now? I’d say not. Because you still landed the same job as Jenny did, and not because of your average grades, but because of the fire inside you that persevered right? But whose fault were those poor grades back then anyway? Your teachers, or your best friend Jenny that got straight A’s because she actually listened to the lecture? But because of that, it made it okay for you to criticize her for being smarter? Not even. When yeah, maybe she knew more in another aspect but she was too busy listening to the lecture that she didn't focus on what she could have criticized you for. Yet you are both where you are now regardless of any disagreements, and criticism had nothing to do with it one bit. So why even fight about it when you can put both of your intelligent and different brains together and agree to disagree when those same old tendencies appear. But that's the biggest issue with criticism. No one wants to agree to disagree. We want to be right, even when we are wrong. Say that again. We can't fathom the thought of being wrong so we hold on to our own rights and use it as our ammo. When in reality, doing that is only going to cause more pain and suffering because the more we do that, the more we push people away with friction. That’s what makes this such a sensitive subject because at the end of the day, no one wants to be disagreed with. Think about it. Do you wake up in the morning like, I wonder how many people will disagree with me today? Or how many people can I make upset by telling them how I truly feel about their decisions. It's honestly no ones business anyways. And just because something was right for someone doesn't mean its always going to be right for you. So is being kind such an issue when it comes to right and wrong? When biting your tongue, and smiling at that disagreeing person can keep the conflict away from you. I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm not one for conflict, so I'd rather smile and agree to disagree any day. But not always is it that simple. Especially with good friends, family, and partners. So what happens when you find yourself in a baffling moment of disagreeing or criticizing loved ones? When you know there is no reason for them to disagree with how you feel, what you say or do, because they are loved ones that should love and care for you no matter what right? But damn, it sure hits a nerve and your own damn core when it happens to you. So what do you do? What then?

I believe there's a way for everyone to find their own sanity. With criticism especially. Instead of fight against one another, use that passion, tension and friction to build it into something positive. If it's a relationship, well those are the ingredients for a good orgasm right? So use that force for good together to make each other shine brighter. Let it be the push you need to pull through the hardest day. Even if it means you have to bite your tongue and be the bigger person. What’s more important, being right, or being together? There's always a lesson in a messy situation. I believe that. Life always has a way of working itself out on its own. That's why I have learned not to control or criticize people. I honestly think it is rude, but that's my own opinion of it. But I can also see how people love it because they believe it makes them better. Have you ever been in that situation where your best friend tells you something criticizing and you totally get offended and disagree with them? But after a year of pain and suffering just for you to learn a life lesson, they turn out to be RIGHT. WOW mind blowing right? But if you would have taken their advice, you wouldn't have learned a real life lesson now would you? You would have just avoided it if you did right? So this is my reasoning as to why I don't even believe in constructive criticism, because it's just another fancy way of saying you don't agree. And why do we have to sugar coat things anyway? Why can’t we just say, No, I don't agree with you, but I love you because you are my sister, or daughter or best friend or lover? If we could all do that, maybe there would be a lot less drama and more realness in relationships. Don't get me wrong, I am one for advice, but I’m very careful where I seek it, because I know the people in my life that can disagree with my way of doing things. But that's okay. Being different doesn't mean anyone deserves to be loved any less. It just simply means we are different. And accepting that, instead of disagreeing to whatever thing makes them move is only going to make your relationship grow and glow.  Because criticism is just a form of control, and to have a friend, we got to be a friend, and no one wants to be around a controlling one.

And yes, I truly do believe our critics make us smarter and work harder. Because when they criticize us it only pushes us to be better. So I can agree with that. I also agree that non-bias criticism is acceptable, but only when its solicited mutually, or if it's a business and professional type of manner. But also, some of us just don't want or even seek advice. So when we do, we should be prepared for what we are going to hear, because first and foremost, if you ask for it, you can't be upset with what the answer is going to be. Remember that. Approach is key with any sensitive subject, and criticism is just that. Trust me this subject does have positive aspects on both ends of the spectrum, so it is really hard to firmly disengage myself from it. But I’ll be the first person to listen to you tell me "I told you so." Some people just have better learning experiences that stick with them when they do fail. Like myself for example. And if we have to fail, we will learn a lesson from it. So I'll take failing and learning any day over anyone's criticism. But we all have different learning types, so I’m not here to tell ya'll how to learn.
But if we could all stop with the negative criticism and just be there with open arms instead of harsh words, wouldn't that be something? Because sometimes we just need a hug or hand to hold. And in a rough moment, not saying anything can be all someone needs to keep pushing through a failure. Disagreement and criticism only creates conflict in an already high stressed environment in our lives. But to be better and to learn is always better than what anyone else thinks is important. Because at the end of the day, what YOU think is important is most important. So don't let anyone rob your joy. God said that himself. Live that way and be that way. Yea, sometimes we all need a fire lit underneath our asses to realize we are in the wrong, and that is totally understandable. But when and if you do disagree, keep it to yourself. Whether you are right or wrong still doesn't give you the power or control to dictate someone else's life lessons. We all need that reminder. Where there's no harm, there's no foul. Being right doesn't ever make it right. Know the difference. And if you must criticize someone, do it kindly, because you never know how bad your disagreement can truly affect someone else. Try every day to just be humble and stay humble, because at the end of the day, that will always be more important than being right.