Epiphany Tiffany

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." - Proverbs 4:23 Hungry for love. And you aim to please. But this wall I have up barricades my heart from feeling real things. So I ride along the surface because it keeps me at ease. Cause I don’t really know what's best for me. I’ve always rolled with the punches until I’m at peace. And well, you bring some sort of relief. But I know that I’ve got to dive back into the deep. To allow myself to be open for once. I can’t keep pretending that less for myself is far more than enough. I’ve got to put myself out there next time I meet someone. Verses letting my past control whether the path to my kingdom opens up. I know I’m confident enough to face rejection without fearing it. And my past will never dictate my future, It can’t keep me away from it. Its only taught me what I need to be right where I am. Although sometimes I pause just to catch my own breath. Cause I know when it’s the right time to be m...

I can sit and reminisce. Have a glass of wine and remember things you probably wish I’d forget. But the truth is I’m perfectly fine. Watching strangers and sipping my wine. Because I already know why you came in and out of my life. You fulfilled your purpose so I don’t ever think twice. It just hits when I see lovers kiss right in front of me. Making me think and hope that someday somebody I love would do that to me. Truly, I haven’t latched onto him yet. A lot of jokers but no King for this Queen to dazzle me yet. 'Cause I’m not rushing with the first fellow that tries to tie me down. I’m seeking real love, And that’s something my heart has neither lost nor found.  I’m a believer in Gods timing and plan. Why race down a bumpy road that leads me straight back to his solid paved path? Truth is, I’m happy right where I’m at. The grass isn’t greener. But it’s tranquil and freer. And I would’ve never relinquished the hell I was bearing on that matrimonial throne, Hadn’t you been there ...

"If I'm gonna fall down like a dumbass, I’m gonna pick myself up like a badass" -Jenni Rivera Ever feel like the needy child inside of you makes you feel so alone? But the badass inside of you reminds you that you’ve got you? Really that’s all we need. But there’s obviously a valid reason for the child inside to be tugging at our feet. Like looking for attention? Or maybe for our own inner truths? I always try to be real honest with myself, as it brings out clarity. Evading emotion is fatal to our beings. And the only thing left to do in a tugging moment is to speak the truth. If you can’t speak it, at least acknowledge it for yourself. As it’s the only real thing that can calm the tantruming child inside, by setting you free. But when your heart aches just to feel something more than what its already been through, I’d say that’s when it’s time to face the truth. And my truth is, as much of a badass I portray myself to be, the child inside of me isn’t a badass at all. She...

I’m not crying over you. I don’t wish I was riding shot gun  in your car sitting next to you. This bitterness only comes  when my path crosses you. I only wish I had a bottle of tequila  and lime  to go with the saltiness your presence endues.  But it's only noon. And seeing you actually helps me forget  the shit that my mind is currently going through. But then I see him  and he takes my mind off of you. It’s like a vicious circle  of a tad bit confused. Because I truly can’t stand  either of you. To tell you the truth,  enough tears have already been shed over you. That water well ran dry  the day I found out you said I do. And well,  he was the first obstacle within my view. I should’ve drowned in those tears  instead of letting him pursue. But that’s a whole other story  for me to come to terms to. Yet gladly,  I’m still not crying over you. I’m strong  because I know that I have no other choice but to b...

“Don’t tell me you were the one that got away when you were the one that left.” -Empath to Narcissist What is it about being drawn towards what isn’t good for us? Like hey, I’m beautiful, funny, kind and sweet with a heart made of gold, but I only gravitate towards assholes? Like the toxic and uncommittable, with a million different traits as to why I should run far far away from them. What’s with this unhealthy love triangle we keep trying to swing on anyway? Because solid swing sets aren’t shaped that way, they’re just safe. But I guess if you are looking for a love obstacle course of never ending hula-hoops to sweat through, be my guest on those conquests. Yet oddly, the empath attracts the psychopath, sociopath and infamous narcissist. But why my beautiful caring darling? Are we genuinely blind? Or are we just trying to convert the dissuaded? Because as someone who truly cares about all human beings as an empath, that would be the ideal hypothesis of the matter here. But it’s s...

Unsolved heartache:   noun.  a broken heart left with more questions than answers.  You fall head over heels in love. Believing with your entire heart that love will be more than enough. Come to find out somewhere amongst the fairy tale bliss inside of your heart, that there was a hidden heartbreak lying underneath the glory of your planned outcome. Kinda like life. We live, we die. We don't have all the answers as to what and why. We just plan to live it accordingly. Happiness is what we all strive for, in love and in life. But at what point does resolution revolve around our happiness? At what point does having an answer draw out our inner peace of mind? And how can we find peace and resolution without answers? Is knowing the key to true happiness? Or can we have peace of mind living with an unsolved mystery? That in my case would call an unsolved heartache.  Because at the end of anything we all want to know why. Why helps us vanish future outcomes. Which in retur...

Whenever I remember, A smile on my face dawns. Not just because the pain that lingered through my bones is finally gone. It takes me to a place I felt I was right where I belonged.  So whenever I remember, I see the gleam in your eyes that once told me I was the one. And it carries on like a glimpse of the morning sun. Sadly nothing in life lasts forever. And the thoughts only touch my mind whenever I remember.  Like finishing a novel.  It doesn’t leave me with unwritten pages left to unravel. The journey may have left it’s influence. So whenever I remember, I’m completely okay with it. Like most stories. Ours began, heightened and arrived upon its tragic expiration.  That whenever I remember, I sing along with until the song ends.  I don’t decipher every conjunction compelling where we went wrong. I have long gone moved on.  But whenever I remember, That beautiful sunset cascades on and on until it’s gone. It doesn’t revive those past terrors in the middle...

"Online dating helps me meet and breakup with someone without leaving the house" -Covid I feel this is a subject that has loads of stories and wild experiences. From my own, my girlfriends, and my guy friends, the stories are endless and relentless. And it baffles me why we still put ourselves out there with hope. But we do, because we believe that like our beautiful, talented and amazing selves, there is someone just the same waiting for us. Which I totally believe is true. But this new alternative universe we live in with Covid and all, makes online dating really the only place to meet and greet potentials. So we find ourselves on those apps now more than social media, looking for the one. But is he or she on there? One can only hope so. The real deal about being single in a pandemic totally sucks. You have soooo much free time to get to know someone on a deeper level, and even more time in the bedroom. While us single folk are over here eating ding dongs and skinny pop li...

Does the pain still exist? I question myself as I take a sparkling sip. Staring at the rose gold champagne glass, As it makes me think of it for more than what it really is. I remember a time that inherits a smile. We crossed our arms and cheered before we swallowed the champagne down. The pain launched straight to its depart. All I have are the raindrops from my eyes, Whenever I remember your existence inside of my heart. The pain still lingers from afar, I’m still crazy for believing we were more than what we ever were. But I'm sure sometimes life even launches you to reminisce. To drink to celebrate, or even worse to drink to forget.  The days I loved you more than you could imagine. Turns out my love for you was tragic. One love for life you asked me for it. Although forever was never what you wanted. You knew I’d love you with my entire heart, a few times in life I promised. So don’t hate me for trying and crying, or for even worse, tragically disqualifying. Because the t...

What is it about finding the perfect man? Is he really out there or is this some fucked up hoax fairy tale we are made up to believe in? The prince charming, the happily ever after. Let’s be real ladies. Even when he tells you straight to your face he doesn't want a relationship, we still somehow believe there is hope for one with him. Gosh are we that fanciful that we don't see the sign staring directly at us to RUN! We all want to believe in something real and true, I get it. But in today's dating pool, you are lucky if you wind up 1 for 3. The real stats are something more like .25 out of 100 in the decency puddle. Either he’s super cute and meets everything you want in a dude, but totally mentally unavailable. Or he's amazing in bed, but super crazy. So take your pick of "perfect" babe. The problem is we fall in love with his potential. Not his actual merit. For fucks sake, I fall in love with the idea of never having to date anyone else ever again. That’...