Epiphany Tiffany

Camera roll, Scrolling through the memories. Of pictures telling love spoken trilogies. Me photographed so happily. Way before the tragedies.  His T-shirt on me  in good night selfies. Way too much avocado toast,  Starbucks and green smoothies. Weekend getaways, mango salsa,  singing our favorite melodies. Silly face in a video of me holding hostage  of his favorite ice cream.  All the gifts that he bought for me. A drawer in my room  filled with his things.  A birthday bouquet on my kitchen table. That he sent with love to me.  His smile did it all for me. A halo around the moon, Drunk on love and vodka cranberries. I even purchased coordinates of a star, That was ours. Because he was my galaxy. But our dreams came crashing down, When an asteroid ripped a hole through me. Happily ever after changed so drastically. Screenshots of old texts  still sting as I re-read. Those empty promises, That made my gut wrench with anxiety. That bittern...

It hurt me. It killed me. It broke me. But it didn’t destroy me. Although it felt like it did. So maybe a part of me  died when we did. Because fuck,  I loved you since I was a kid. That shit doesn’t just wash away  like your feelings for me did. Even if things turned out  different than I anticipated.  I still learned  all kinds of hard life lessons.  Repeating the same mistakes. Until I finally stopped giving  my love away like it’s spare change.  So fuck,  of course I am going to have bad days. Going back to the past  in my mind fucks with my heart  in the worst possible ways. But trust me, Now I believe everything  that you didn’t say.  Because you proved that shit  when you ran away. But just because  I thought you were true, Doesn’t make my heart believe  I was wrong about you. I never once lied to you. I might’ve spoke out of anger, By being so broken  for giving my entire heart and soul...

I wish I knew, That every scar that I ached  would eventually become a tattoo. Or why I hate everything that  I’m going through.  How does one bad thing happen  suddenly make me think about you Like this is all your fault  cause I would’ve never met him if I never left you.   I still wish I knew, That parting the flame from the spark  would ignite wild fires in different terrains.  Or that tears would still fall from my green eyes  to put out the flames. Leaving the ashes of what was  to be all that remains.    God I wish I knew, Why every time I was happy  was when I was with you.  Why can’t I  seem to come to terms with the fucking truth? Because all that I want is to be happy,  so I can finally stop blaming you.    I still wish I knew, Why I can’t help myself  when my mind falls down a rabbit hole and gets lost. Those damn thinkers  like to fuck around where they’re not supposed to get...